The Fairy Tales of Hetalia
by nic98ole
Summary: What do you get when you mix your favorite fairy tales like Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood and the characters of Axis Powers Hetalia? You get sheer insanity and parody, oh what joy!
1. Little Red Riding Hood

Okay, this is my first Hetalia fic and I have many ideas for some more, but this is the kick off point, enjoy.

Warning: Sexual wolves and wurst

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

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Once upon a time in a small little village surrounded by the woods, there was a small girl whose name was Little Red Riding Hood. Of course to those that have some common sense would know that that wasn't her real name. No, in this story, her name was Liechtenstein. Yep, even her real name was a mouthful but back to the story.

One day, Liechtenstein was watching her father dart back and forth around the kitchen, packing item after item into a small hand-woven basket.

"Okay, kid," Germany, I mean, Liechtenstein's father stated, "you're grandma's sick after having one too many pizzas and is crying about how much her stomach hurts," he placed a bottle into the basket and sighed. "I said 'no, you'll get sick' and what does she say? 'It's alright~'" the German said in a thick Italian accent and forcefully stuffed the wurst into the basket. "And on top of that, her brother's going to be a big pain in the ass until she gets better. And another thing too, why can't she come down here and get some medicine? If she can run away from soldiers, she can run down here. Now I have to send my kid 5 miles through nothing but trees and knowing perfectly well that there are wolves and another thing-"

"Father…"

"WHAT?!" Germany screamed, officially scaring the crap out of the little girl. She pointed a finger at the basket that was being over stuffed by smashed wurst. Germany turned a red and took his wurst-covered hand out of the basket. "Okay, I think that's enough"

Germany placed the basket down on the table in front of Liechtenstein and straightened his voice. "Stay on the path to your grandmother's and don't talk to strangers, understand? NOBODY"

"Okay, father" she said quietly and still afraid. She wrapped her pale fingers around the handle of the basket and walked out the door.

Now somewhere deep in the forest, just like Germany had said, was a wolf. A French wolf to be more precise. As he was going along on his daily stroll to see if there were any people to molest, err.. eat… yeah… let's go with that. As he was on his stroll, he spotted a young girl in a cute red hood. He licked his lips, smoothed out his hair and tiptoed closer to the small girl.

Liechtenstein hummed to herself as she walked through the dark forest until she smelled a strong scent of something. She stopped walking and began to sniff the air that smelled strong of cologne.

"Good afternoon, Little Red" a smooth voice said behind her and she wheeled around to see France Wolf staring down at her with a slick and dazzling smile.

"I'm supposed to stay away from strangers" the small girl said, forgetting her German father said don't _talk _to strangers. France smiled.

"But darling, I am not a stranger . . . or a wolf bent on getting into your pants. I am a forest ranger!" he said. Never had Liechtenstein seen a forest ranger with wolf ears and a tail.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah, stay away from bears but wolves are your best friend, my dear" France said and kissed Liechtenstein's hand. "So, where are you headed to?"

"My grandmother's house. She's sick so I'm bringing her wurst, see?" the young girl stated and held out the basket that was dripping with wurst juice from the bottom. France quickly covered his nose.

"Sacre bleu! Are you trying to kill you're grandmother?! Or is your dad England in this story?"

"No, it's Germany" Liechtenstein corrected and France nodded.

"Well, I should walk you to your grandmother's house, because that's what forest rangers do! By the way, where does your grandmother live? Not that I'm going to go get your grandmother, I just like to know things"

"She lives down this path and into the woods. Her house is small and near some oak trees and is close by a thicket of blueberry bushes"

"Good, good" France exclaimed. "Then onward to Grandmother's house!"

Back in the little village, Germany felt a disturbance in the parental force.

The two of them walked down the path and had a very merry little time, although every five seconds France was trying to get a feel of Liechtenstein. A few meters away from the destination, France stopped and pointed over his shoulder. "Little Red, why don't you go pick some flowers for your grandma? I'll be right here waiting for you"

Breaking another one of her dear story dad's rules, Liechtenstein walked over to the beautiful field of flowers that you can only see in Disney movies. And this one even included adorable forest animals! While the girl was distracted, France took off for dear grandma.

France knocked on the russet color door and a small whine answered, "Germany~, is that you?"

"Oh ya~, this is Germany~" France answered in a not-German-but-Swedish-accent. Somewhere out of the story, Sweden is banging his head against a wall.

Italy opened the door and smiled brightly.

"Germany! Did you bring me more pizza?" he asked with a dazed expression and France cocked his head to the side.

"Something's terribly wrong with you" France sighed and tackled the Italian.

A few moments later, Liechtenstein made it to the small cottage after the animals ran away from her and her wurst. She knocked on the door twice, only to find that the door was unlocked. There were only two reasons why this door may be unlocked. The first was that it might be siesta time and dear grandma left leaving the door unlocked or that someone else was here. But it obviously couldn't be the second option because hell, the only people that visit grandma was Liechtenstein and Germany (and once in a blue moon, grandma's brother) so she invited herself in to wait.

France Wolf was already in position, dressed in grandma's clothes that looked like they came from a curtain and set up the perfect atmosphere. Rose petals scattered around the floor, candles lit, romantic music playing, oh yeah, he pulled out the whole enchilada (croissant?) for this one.

"Oh, Little Red, come closer to me~" France mused and Liechtenstein walked closer.

"Grandmother, what a strange accent you have"

"The better to pronounce sweet words to you, my dear"

"Grandmother, what strange ears you have"

"The better to hear your heavenly voice, my dear"

"Grandmother, why are you so hairy?" Liechtenstein asked and plucked a strand out of France's arm, causing him to emit a yelp.

"Haven't you ever heard of a thing called tact? I mean, the better to . . . ah, whatever" Then France sprung out of the bed and onto Liechtenstein, poor girl.

Meanwhile, a huntsman, Switzerland, was passing through the area and to the village for some more bullets when he heard a racket coming from the cabin. 'Damn that Italian. What is he doing now?' he questioned in his mind until he heard a muffled girl's scream. 'Was that Liechtenstein?' he wondered and pulled out his gun with a snarl on his face. 'This time I'm going to kill him'.

The huntsman kicked down the door of the cabin to find France lying on Liechtenstein on the floor and sighed, thanking God that she still had her clothes on.

"Ah brother, I mean, huntsman, good afternoon" she said calmly and a vein popped in the huntsman's forehead.

"Don't sound so calm, fight back!" Switzerland shouted to his sister on the ground and aimed his gun at France. "And you, get off of her now!"

"Ah~, won't you join us? I'm all up for a three-way!" France said cheerfully and Switzerland placed his finger on the trigger.

But, we must stick to the actual storyline so, no guns_. _Switzerland's rifle disappeared in a cloud of smoke and he frowned.

"What the hell?! What kind of huntsman doesn't have a gun?! How am I supposed to kill this guy now?!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. A gleaming ax that was nicely sharpened poofed into Switzerland's hands and he grinned darkly. "Works for me. Close your eyes, Liechtenstein"

Switzerland took much glee in the fact that he was about to cut France's stomach open and fill it with rocks, but no matter how hard he tried, France's chest hair wouldn't let him cut. Besides, it's disturbing to hack at someone's stomach with a little girl standing right next to you. So, he decided to go with plan B and send him to Russia.

And so, Little Red Liechtenstein learned to not wander off in the woods, Switzerland got all the free guns and bullets he could ask for getting rid of that menace of a wolf, Germany got a fine for letting a little girl run around in the woods from the actual forest rangers and who knows what happened with France. And they all lived happily ever-

"Hold on! Stop the story!" Germany shouted, stepping into the scene. "Does anyone know what happened to Italy?"

"Germany~" a voice mumbled from behind the closet door and Germany's eye twitched. He opened the door to find Italy tied up at the feet, blindfolded, and was handcuffed to a small box of who-knows-what. "Did you bring me more pizza?"

"Okay, never mind" Germany said with a wave of his hand and began to untie the Italian.

And as I was saying, they lived happily ever after.

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Hopefully you enjoyed the first chapter! I was thinking about having the next chapter being The Emperor's New Clothes but I have yet to work out the cast line-up. If not that, then it will be Rumplestiltskin. If you want to read more of your favorite fairy tales getting messed with Hetalia, review, review, REVIEW!


	2. Jack and the Beanstalk

I said I was going to bring you either Rumplestiltskin or The Emperor's New Clothes and what do I do? I write Jack and the friggin Beanstalk D Sorry, I just couldn't come up with a cast for either one of those stories so I hope that you'll like this one instead.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Possible OOC Ukraine & Belarus and revised rhymes  
**

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Once upon a time in a small little house on the country side, there was a young mother/father who was poor and only had two things: a son named Jack and a cow named Milky-White-

"Wait-wait, the cow's name is Milky-White?" England asked, stepping into scene. "What kind of name is that for a cow?"

"Maybe Finland named it" America wondered aloud and both of them shrugged.

Yes, the cow's name was Milky-White and the only thing that they had to live off of was milk, which they took to the market to sell. But one day, Milky-White stopped giving off milk which made the English mommy/daddy break out into a panic.

"What are we going to do? What are we going to do?" England shouted with, gripping his hair and ran around in circles and America smiled.

"Don't worry; I'll go get a job or something. Maybe at McDonald's that would be sweet!" America said gleefully. Oh yeah, working at McDonald's is the American dream. England shot him a glare.

"We already tried doing that. Besides, no one will take a git like you" he sighed.

"Geez mom, don't get your panties into a bunch" America said with a pout.

"Shut up! Besides, it's probably your fault the cow isn't giving milk. You were feeding it hamburgers again, weren't you?"

"…no?"

"It looks like we have no other choice, we are going to have to sell Milky-White and maybe with the money, we can start a shop or something" England suggested to which America responded, "Why are we selling a cow that doesn't give milk anymore? We can just kill it and make hamburgers"

To which England responded: "Because nothing makes sense in fairy tales and I would rather have money than hamburgers that will last only five seconds with you around. So get out there and SELL THAT COW!

So, America went off, with the cow's halter in one hand, to the marketplace. Not long after he left his little house, he met a strange old-yet-youthful man.

"America-san" Japan replied and bowed, to which America bowed back in return but wondered how the man knew his name.

England was right; nothing makes sense in fairy tales.

"I'm Jack in this story"

"Oh right, where are you going to today?" the man asked and America patted the cow's head.

"I'm going to the market to sell our cow"

"You look like a good person to sell a cow" Japan complemented and America's already-huge ego just gotten bigger. "How about this? I'll give you five beans in exchange for your cow"

"I'm not dumb, I see what you're trying to do" America replied. "Well, not really. But I'm not going to trade some beans for a cow"

Japan cocked his head.

"But these beans are magic. If you plant them overnight, they will grow up to the sky"

"Really?"

"Yes, and if this does not happen, you can get your cow back" Japan reassured and America smiled. He handed Japan the cow and Japan handed him the beans.

America wasn't too far from the home and arrived before it was dusk. He busted through the door with a wide grin on his face.

"Back already? That was fast. How much did you get for it?" England asked.

"I traded the cow with this one guy and got some magic beans! Woot! Hi-five!" America shouted, holding his hand out for a hi-five and England's eyes widened.

"You git! You traded the best cow in this entire farmland for some beans?! Where did I go wrong?!" England shouted in angst. Yes England, where did you go wrong?

"But I thought you'd like it, they're magic"

"They aren't magic! You're just gullible! Besides, everyone knows it's magic seeds, not magic beans" England shouted back. He grabbed the beans and tossed them out the window. "Just for that, you are going to bed without supper"

America placed a pout on his face but was a gleeful as ever. Getting off the hook on England's cooking was the best punishment he was ever given. Well then again, there were some other "punishments" that England gave that was very enjoyable, but that's different story. Seriously.

The next day, as America woke from his slumber, he couldn't believe his own eyes. For there, growing outside his window was a gigantic beanstalk. America quickly dawned on his glasses and his jacket and out the window he climbed. He climbed and climbed and climbed until he reached the sky. And what he found there was a gigantic house with a large woman sitting on the doorstep.

She was knitting a red velvet scarf when America strode over to her politely.

"Hello, mam" he said with a smile, to which she smiled back "What'cha doin'?"

"Oh, I'm making a scarf for my little brother" she said and America wrapped his arms around himself.

"Mam, I'm so cold (even though I'm wearing this very big jacket with fur) and I haven't had a bit to eat" he stated like this was a long lost Lifetime movie audition. The woman smiled.

"Oh you can come inside with me! I'll get you something nice!" she stated and picked up America. The ride to the kitchen wasn't smooth, since the woman's breasts kept on bouncing against America's back, but hey, not like he's complaining. She plopped him down on the table and got him a hunk of cheese and bread. Mm, mm, yummy! But as America was half way done with the food, there was a loud 'thump, thump' and the house began to shake.

"Oh no! It's my brother! What am I going to do?!" she said nervously and grabbed America, squeezing him so hard that if he was a squeaky toy, the squeaker would have popped out. She began to frantically run around the kitchen, trying to find a place to hide the American until forcefully (yet unintentionally) throwing America into the oven.

Russia walked in with his scarf trailing right behind him and smiled.

"Fee, fi, fo, fum. I smell the blood of a nation. Be he large or be he small, I'll take his lands and rule it all!" he recited happily.

"…That's not the actual rhyme" Ukraine said nervously.

"Yeah, but grinding someone's bones for bread sounds nasty, so I changed it" he explained and looked at the oven in curiosity. "Are you cooking something?"

"Oh no, don't be silly little brother!" Ukraine stated and pushed Russia down in the seat. "I'm pretty sure you're hungry, right? Right?! How about some porridge? But then again, I made you that last time. But I already made you a sandwich twice this week!"

"Um, sister, it's alright. I'm not hungry anyways" he said with a nervous smile and reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a sack of gold coins. Russia counted and re-counted the coins until falling into a deep slumber, opening the perfect opportunity to escape. America snuck out of the stove and past the giant nation, grabbing a sack of gold as he tiptoed. Once he had the sack, he made a mad dash to the beanstalk and threw down the sack, which landed on his mom/dad** [1]**. He slid down the beanstalk and reached the ground and lifted the sack off of England.

"See, I told you they were magic" he simply said, to which England responded with a groan.

So, they lived off the gold, but quickly blew it off. On what, even I don't know. So it was about the time that America decided to climb the beanstalk once more. He climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed until he reached the top of the cloud and sure enough, there was Ukraine sitting on the porch.

"Good morning, mam" America said, as bold as brass (but this _is _America), "can you be so kind as to give me something to eat?"

"Go away, or else my brother might claim your vital regions. But aren't you the same guy that came here the last time? You know, my brother is missing one of his sacks of gold that very same day"

"Gee, really? Well, I might know something about it but I'm just too hungry to remember" America said and rubbed his stomach. Ukraine was so curious that she grabbed America once again and got him some food. But he had scarcely been munching on it when there was a loud 'thump, thump'.

Ukraine tossed America into the oven and Russia came in just like before, reciting his lines and Ukraine panicking about what to make him.

"Ah Ukraine, can you bring me the hen that lays the golden eggs?" Russia asked politely and Ukraine nodded nervously. She brought to him a cage that was covered with a white sheet. When Russia pulled off the sheet, the hen got so scared just looking at Russia's blank smile, it laid 20 freakin' eggs!

Russia smiled at the hen's troubled face and not soon afterwards, he fell asleep. America snuck out of the oven once more and tossed the sheet on the cage to prevent the hen from laying more eggs and dashed out of the house and down the beanstalk. England managed to get the hen to lay more eggs by showing it a picture of Russia. Why England even _has _a picture of Russia, we may never know.

However, the hen stopped laying eggs-

"Why are all the animals in this story losing their God-given purpose?!" America shouted and grabbed his blonde hair.

Anyways, America decided that he had to go back up the beanstalk one more time. He climbed the plant higher and higher until he reached the cloud and the house. He waited until Ukraine was done fetching water and snuck into the house. He quickly hid into a small pot and Russia came walking in, his nose high in the air.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of a nation" he recited and shook his elder sister's shoulders, "Ukraine, I smell em'"

"It must be that guy that stole your gold and your hen. I know where he is" Ukraine said and rushed over to the oven and opened it. However, there was no America there. She slapped her hands on her cheeks. "Oh what was I thinking?! He couldn't have got in with out me noticing. I'm such a moron and I mess up too much!" she panicked and Russia patted her on the back.

"It's alright, sister. Can you bring me my golden harp?" he asked and Ukraine nodded. She brought and placed in front of Russia a small golden harp with a woman figure molded onto it. "Hello, Belarus"

"Hello nii-san, whom which I will marry and have lots of little micro nations" she said with a smile and Russia's eye twitched.

"So um, let's hear it. Yay" he said, quickly changing the subject and clapped. Belarus smiled and began to sing a melodious tune until Russia fell asleep. America opened the lid quietly and tiptoed over to the golden harp and snatched it up and made a dash.

"HELP! NII-SAN! NII-SAN!" the harp screamed and Russia immediately woke up to find America running to the door.

America quickly made his way to the beanstalk with Russia trailing only 20 yards from him before making his descent down the plant. Russia stood there at the top of the beanstalk, looking down and thinking. He could go down and trap the nation, probably send him to Siberia, but then again, Belarus might like him instead and wish to marry him. But then again, America might brag on how easy it was to steal from Russia and besides, Belarus is his sister. But Belarus is kind of getting on the freaky side…

"NII-SAN!" Belarus shouted up and Russia shook his head before climbing down the beanstalk as well. Down climbed America and climbed until he was very close to the ground, he shouted out, "England! Get the axe!"

England was busy clipping his roses (wearing a fashionable flower hat).

"And why would I do tha…HOLY CRAP!" England exclaimed as he saw Russia's feet coming down the beanstalk. He quickly grabbed the axe and tossed it to America, who then proceeded to chop the beanstalk down. The beanstalk swished and swayed as Russia paused to see what was going on. And with a final chop, the beanstalk was chopped into two and Russia fell down, creating a big hole in the ground.

And so, after showing his mom/dad the harp and selling it to a very happy Lithuanian peddler (and making a ton of cash, CHA-CHING!) England and America lived well phosphorus life. And what happened to Russia? Well…

China entered his house, tired and ready for bed, only to find a gigantic Russia scrunched up in his house and a gigantic hole in the ceiling. Russia smiled as he placed another dim sum inside his mouth.

"Ah, welcome home~ I made me some food, if you don't mind~" **[2]**

"THE HECK IS THAT, ARU?!"

And so everyone (almost) lived happily ever after.

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**[1]** Okay the gold actually landed in the mother's garden, but where's the fun in that?

**[2] **I actually got this idea from one of the comics

This story is getting rather popular and I started doing this with my first popular story on Fanfiction. It's called...duh-duh-dah! Choose Your Own Chapter! The point of doing this is that the opinion of the readers matter to me (and I usually have brain farts). So, the question is this:

In the next chapter "Snow White" would you rather have:

A) England being Snow White, Sealand as the Dwarves and America as the Prince

or

B) Lithuania as Snow White, Poland as the Dwarves and Russia as the Prince

You can either vote in the review (which I hope you do) or you can vote in my profile. The more votes for a particular answer, the more chances of that being the chapter. So if you want the next chapter to come out exactly as you want it, review, review, REVIEW!!!!


	3. Snow White

Me: Hello and welcome to another installment of the "Fairy Tales of Hetalia"!

Audience: (claps)

Me: This chapter is the first of the many "Choose Your Own Chapter" events (that are random so it's not a pattern) and so with a total of 13 to 6, England, America and Sealand will be you're Snow White, Prince, and Dwarves!

Poland: (comes rushing in with dress) ButI ,like, worked so hard to make Liet this dress!

Me: I'll make some good use of it (ponders)

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Horror icons (that I do not own) and Super! Nations**

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Once upon a time, wintertime to be more exact, there was a queen who sat by her window sewing. She was entranced by the white snowflakes that was falling all around and accidentally pricked her finger and three drops of blood fell onto the snow. At the sight she thought if only she could have a child that was as white as snow, as red as blood, and as pure as ivory.

Soon afterwards, the queen gave birth to a son who was as white as snow, red as blood and had hair as pure as ivory. The freakish eyebrows, however, were not a part of her vision. He was called England (even though everyone said give him an actual name, but hey, it's not like she named him something stupid like Snow White) but when the child was born, the queen died.

Afterwards, the king took another…wife, France.

"Ew" England muttered.

Yes, the king took France as his wifey, but France was very proud and couldn't bear to think that anyone could surpass him. He had a magical mirror, imported from Canada and would always ask the mirror 'who was the fairest one of all'

To which the mirror responded, "You are, I guess"

But each day, England grew more beautiful and more lovely (with people having a sick fetish to put him in dresses and somehow, those eyebrows kept everything in perfect balance) and by the time he reached seven, he became as beautiful as the day. But when France once again asked the mirror 'who is the fairest one of all?' the mirror had this little rhyme:

"France, may fair and lovely be, but England is now fairer still than thee…you okay?" Canada asked the shocked France and he quickly smiled.

"Yeah, I'm alright, since England has got nothing compared to me. Besides, it's not like he has little magical pixie friends that can make him more powerful than me, right?"

"…About that…"

France was horrified and wouldn't have any of it. He left the room in envy, plotting and scheming on what to do with the English child. The more that France could even get a glimpse of the child, the more he was consumed with hate until finally, couldn't stand to be in England's presence. He called to his side a Japanese huntsman and said to him, "Take England into the deepest, darkest part of the forest and kill him, for I can no longer stand the sight of him. Bring me back his liver and lung so I will know that he is dead"

Japan obeyed and escorted England to the forest, but just seeing England smiling so happily and spinning with the small fairy-looking butterflies that he couldn't bring himself to strike the young child. Japan placed a hand on England's shoulder.

"Run away, child"

"Run away? Why?"

"The male-looking queen is extremely jealous of your beauty and she wants you dead. She sent me to kill you but I can't. Run deep into the forest and never come back!" Japan quickly explained and England nodded. He began to run into the deep, dark forest while Japan caught a small boar and killed it, cutting out its lung and liver and brought it to France. The cook had them prepared for supper (along with some escargot) and France ate them, certain that England was dead.

Meanwhile, Finland and Sweden were trying to calm down a very freaked out Sealand before his entrance.

England was far into the forest but now was desperately lost. He ran past all the animals and over the rocks and broken twigs, each tree looking more frightening than the rest until coming across a small cottage with a grass covered roof and sparkling windows. He went inside the small room and jaw dropped.

"This place is filthy! It's even worse than America's house, instead of McDonald and Burger King wrappers, its Gundam figures and Transformers all over the place!" he stated and accidentally stepped on said toy. His stomach grumbled and he glanced at the table where seven glassed of orange soda stood and seven slices of pizza. England's eye twitched as he stared at the junk food. It's disgusting, greasy, and most likely will give you a heart-attack…all the reason to eat it so these people won't have to suffer, right? Right.

England pigged out like there was no tomorrow (well, there was a psycho Frenchman looking for him so might as well do everything that he didn't do before). After gorging on the food (and some of the table, hey, he _was_ hungry) he walked up the stairs and checked each of the seven beds before finding one that was nice and comfortable and soon fell asleep.

Soon at night, the owners of the small cottage came. It was none other than the Sealand dwarfs, who seek plans for dominating and ruling England to become their own country…I mean…mine for gold and copper…yeah. One of the Sealands noticed that all of their Gundam toys were placed in a trash bag marked 'Return to Japan', all of their pizza slices and cups of soda were gone, their table had a chunk bitten off and there was loud snoring coming from upstairs.

The Sealand dwarfs came upstairs in their room to find England curled up on one of their beds, sleeping ever so peacefully. Sealand, however, was not impressed, but the seven of them decided to let England sleep peacefully….until tomorrow.

Once England woke up, he found himself staring at....Michael Myers, Chucky, Scream, Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, Jigsaw, and the Creeper looking down at him. Oh yeah, England practically peed his pants and shrunk a little bit into the bed. And then, something happened that frightened England even more. The seven slashers took off their masks to reveal seven SEALANDS! Now, England was screaming like a little girl and cowering in a corner. Sealand pointed at him in a dramatic manner.

"State your name and why you are here, now!" he ordered and England stood upright.

"You shouldn't talk to me like that, I ought to put you all in a storage room" England stated.

"But Snow White didn't do that in the original story so you can't do that to me now, that's why I signed up for this role"

"The narrator only sticks to the story ¼ of the time" England explained and one of the Sealands ran over to the window and screamed out, "France! France! I found England!"

England ran over, covered the loud child's mouth and slammed the window shut. He then explained his whole life story and how he came to be in their little cottage and the Sealand dwarfs felt somewhat sorry (though most of them could care less about what happened to England). "Alright," said the head of the Sealand dwarfs, "you can stay with us as long as you clean after us, make our suppers and refer to us always as 'The Great and Almighty Sealand!', you shall want for nothing" (Okay, they really didn't feel sorry for England at all).

England, though grudgingly, agreed. Each morning they went off to do their 'mining' and in the evening, coming home to a nice sparkling house and a healthy dinner (but when England was asleep, they pigged out on all-you-can-eat-ice-cream). But Sealand warned England to not let anyone in and to stay inside all day.

Once again, France was admiring himself in the Canadian mirror and asked: "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?"

To which the mirror would respond: "You might want to sit down for this one, France. For over the hills where the seven Sealands dwell, England is alive and well. And no one is fairer than he…you're not going to get naked and flex to punish me, are you?"

France had knew of the huntsman's betrayal and that England was still alive and well (also that he needed to find a new way of appreciating Canada). His envy shot up, stronger than the first one and he decided to just kill the boy himself. He painted his face and dressed in old garbs and set off towards the woods. No one would have known it was him since he was dressed as a peddler. When at last, he arrived at the cottage; he knocked on the door twice.

"Fancy things to sell! Pretty wares! If you want to attract Americans, you need these!" France shouted and England looked out the window to find an old, hairy woman holding a basket of colorful apron ties. 'Surely I can let her in,' thought England as he unlatched the door and bought the pretty ties.

"Here, my child. Let me lace you more tightly" France reassured. England nodded and stood, letting himself be laced. But the old woman laced him so tightly (and very frisky) that England lost his breath and fell down to the ground. France snickered and hurried off the scene.

Not soon afterwards, the Sealand dwarfs returned and were frightened to see England lying motionless on the ground. But as soon as they lifted him up, they saw a pretty ribbon that would look nice on their England voodoo dolls and cut it with a knife. Soon, the boy began to breathe again and soon recovered. England told them about what had happened and the Sealands responded, "Stupid UK! The old peddler was the wicked queen who would do anything to get rid of you!"

"How do you know these things when you haven't seen the peddler or the queen?"

"…..Because Sealand is AWESOME!" Sealand stated and all seven did a Power Ranger pose. England decided best not to ask questions about this anymore.

France returned to the castle and asked:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest one of all? And it better be good"

Canada responded:

"Well, you my queen are fair and true, but England is still a thousand times fairer than you…you're going to keep me here longer, aren't you?"

France became nervous for the ties did not work. He then took some combs that were dipped with poison and disguised himself as a different woman and set off to the cottage. Once he reached it, he knocked on the door. "Good things to sell! Good things to sell! And they aren't stolen either!" said France.

"Really?" England said from out the window.

"Yeah, just look at the color of these combs"

"Well, I suppose I could use some combs. The dwarfs don't even bother to comb their hair, which is very bad since a gentleman should always look his best and…wait, I can't let anyone in. Please leave"

"Come on, I need the money, you're the only person around here, they aren't stolen" France persuaded and England sighed and opened the door. "I'll even comb your hair to show you how nice it works" France stated and combed through England's blonde hair. The poison took immediate effect and he swooned to the floor. France hummed his anthem and left for the castle.

The dwarfs came home once again to find England lying on the ground as if he were dead and suspected that France had something to do with this. They inspected the body as if they were on C.S.I until finding a comb near his head. They tossed it aside and quickly England had recovered and told them what had happened. The dwarfs once again warned him to take care and to open the door for no one…again.

"It feels like being in these stories makes you stupider" England groaned.

France, at home, went to the magic mirror immediately and said:

"Ok Canada, I'm giving you one more chance. Mirror, mirror on the wall. WHO IS THE FAIREST ONE OF ALL?"

Canada sighed and answered, "Over the hills and where the Sealand dwarfs dwell, England is there, alive and well. And no other is as fair as he, please don't break me"

France was furious with rage. "Damn him! He must die, even if it cost my own life!" he shouted.

"I think you're over reacting a bit" Canada said, but since nobody listens to Canada, this comment was unnoticed. He went up high to a tower where everyone was forbidden and there created a poisonous apple, half red and half white. The sight of this delectable fruit would cause anyone to long for it, but for sure with one bite they will die.

France dressed up as another old woman (how many old woman styles can you think of, France?) and headed over to the Sealand dwarfs home and knocked ever so slightly. At once, England looked out the window and shouted, "Go away, please! I had too much trouble today as is!"

"I shall stay outside then, but dearie, come have a look at my apples. So fresh and sweet…"

"Not going to happen"

"What is it? Do you think they have poison in them? Cause they don't. They have LOVE" France mused but England still stayed near the window. "Fine then, I'll show you. You shall have the red part, and I shall have the white"

The apple was so perfectly made so that only the red part was poisonous and when England saw how the old woman was unharmed after finishing off her piece, he couldn't resist to have a taste.

The moment he bit into the fruit, he fell upon the ground. The poison had done its work. France grinned ever so brightly and went to leave for the castle….

"Hey France, you need to leave now" America whispered from wherever he was waiting for his entrance and France once again had gotten that lewd face whenever he was about to defile somebody. He began to bend over on the now-sweating-and-turning-blue England and once his hands were near the nation's chest, out of nowhere, Super Seychelles came running in with a water squirter and began to squirt the nation.

"Get back to the castle!"

"You can't squirt your big brother!"

"You can't rape people in public, now go!' she ordered and France scowled before taking his leave. Another nation saved from rape, thanks to Super Seychelles! (1)

When France went home, he went straight to the mirror and asked:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest one of all?"

And the mirror replied back:

"Thou, O Queen, is the fairest of the land"

And his envious heart was finally glad.

In the evening, when the Sealand dwarfs returned from their business, were shocked to find England lying on the ground. He didn't breathe or move and no ties or combs could be found on his person. You may think that the Sealands would be glad that the burden of England was gone but instead, they felt so…sad. So they laid him upon a bier and watched and mourned over him for three days time.

They decided best not to bury England, for his still rosy cheeks almost made it seem that he was still alive and decided to make a coffin out of glass and placed him up on top of a grassy hill. (And maybe make an attraction out of him, charging $5 for a picture with a dead prince/princess….all the money going to the development of Sealand, of course)

Then it came that a king's son, America, was wandering through the forest and came across the coffin upon the hill. He knelt upon and read the words engraved on the coffin and turned to the Sealand dwarfs.

"I'll give you $10 for this guy"

"SOLD!" one of the Sealands proclaimed before being handed a slip of paper, "I mean... 'We will not sell him for all the gold in the world' Aw man"

"Then let me have him. I can't live without being able to see England" America said (though not knowing how he knew England's name. He sure wasn't on his box of Frosted Flakes). One of the Sealands raised their hands.

"I know! He can kiss him like they did in the movie!"

"That's a great idea" America said with a mischievous smile.

"NO IT'S NOT!" England shouted and shot up quickly, causing everyone to jump.

"HE'S ALIVE!" shouted the Sealand dwarfs and America quickly placed his hand on England's forehead and pushed him back down.

"No he's not" America said and looked down at England. "I made the most money off of this story and since Germany isn't around to say other wise, I say England gets kissed"

Sealand quickly whipped out a camera while another began to record on his video camera as America leaned closer to England's face. Then, one of the Sealands looked up and shouted, "Look! Up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"No, it's Su-papa dressed as a superhero!" one of the Sealands shouted as Super Sweden landed. England sat up once again.

"Super Sweden?" England asked and America placed his hand on England and pushed him down once more.

"Let the narrator have her moment"

"Yeh' shdn't be watchin' tis'" Sweden stated.

"What should we watch, Super Su-papa?" one of the Sealnds asked.

"….Power Rangers"

"Yeah! Let's do it!" the Sealands shouted and began to make their way to the cottage. Sweden turned to the two and gave them a thumbs up before following the boys. Another young nation saved from yaoi thanks to Super Sweden! (2)

Everything was in place, England lying beautifully with a flush across his face, America leaning forward to place a kiss on the smaller nation's lips, Hungary disguised as a cute bunny rabbit to watch the action, perfect. America placed his lips on England's and gotten a devilish idea to deepen the kiss (and by deepen, I mean stick his tongue in his mouth…which he did). England shot up and wiped his mouth.

"I'M AWAKE!" England shouted, half-spitting.

"Don't pretend you didn't like it" America stated and rolled up his sleeve to read his lines, "I love you more than anything in the world. Come to my father's castle. You shall become my wife"

"…But I just met you"

"…I'm taking that as a yes" America stated and swept England up bridal style and all the happy forest animals came out of nowhere to celebrate this event by dancing and singing. Another one of those w-t-f moments.

All of the nations were invited to the wedding reception and among these was France. When he went before the mirror in the most stunning outfit he could fins, he said to the mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the most fairest one of all?"

The mirror had a sticky note attached to it and it read:

"It's England, okay! Get over yourself! I QUIT!"

When France heard this, he uttered a curse. At first he didn't even want to go to the wedding, but he had to go see the new young king/queen (plus, there might be some hot chicks he could score). When he arrived and saw that it was England, he was terrified and filled with rage.

Then, they placed iron shoes into the burning coals. They were brought before France with tongs and placed in front of him. He was forced to step into the red-hot shoes and dance until he fell down dead. And they lived happily ever after!

The nations stared at France's lying body with a shocked expression while Finland and Switzerland were trying to explain what happened to Sealand and Liechtenstein in the most non-confusing way so they don't ask questions. Italy tapped Germany's shoulder.

"Germany~, why did you kill France-nii-san?" (3)

Germany just opened his mouth and closed it like a fish. England adjusted his veil.

"Don't give him such a hard time, I'm quite satisfied with this ending" England stated and laughed one of those 'OH-HO-HO-HO~' laughs.

So, yeah, at least England lived happily ever after.

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(1) And there's another one too!

(2) Yes, I just added that part in for my own personal agenda, DON'T JUDGE ME!

(3) Technically, Snow White was originated in Germany from the Brothers Grimm, so it was GERMANY! SHAAAMMEEE!

Had fun with this chapter, maybe I'll do Cinderella or something, any suggestions? If you want to see more of your favorite fairy tales making the nations look like total idiots, review, review, REVIEW!!!!


	4. Cinderella

And here is the story of Cinderella. Finally! I actually stuck to a story I was going to do! Since most of the reviews were saying that Cinderella should be Italy and Germany the Prince...I DID IT (although it took me a while to get everything all together). And now, for some responses:

To Renyu Rainlily: OMG I never even thought of a BelarusxRussia chapter! That's brilliant! (writes down in the to-do list)

To KatyaChekov: Thank's for the suggestion, I might do it later on

To thexamimi: I hope you haven't broken you're keyboard

To Grindell: Those are some good ideas for stories. I think I do have a good one for the Three Little Pigs

To Alice's Emotion: Hmm..maybe...It could happen...the funnier, the merrier, right?

To Kemuni: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT! THAT COULD BE A SOON CHAPTER! (writes down in to-do list)

To Meidi: HELLS YEAH YOU CAN!!! (just tell me when you post some of it up)

To BichojoLostWing & Neko Syaoran: Thanks!

And now, without further ado, here is Cinderella!

**Warning! Bad words and rewritten romance guides**

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Once upon a time, there was a young gentleman who had just married an Austrian…I'll let you use your imagination as to who that gentleman may be. The Austrian had two sons, France & Spain. However, they mirrored the Austrian in every way, proud and haughty and cruel and-

"LIES!!" Hungary shouted from wherever she popped out of. "Austria is pure and would never be like this. The narrator is LYING!"

"Hungary, it's just a story. There really is no need to get so worked up over it" Austria replied to his ever-so crazy wife and was then handed a note. " 'If Hungary interrupts me again, this story will go to hell in a hand basket, love the Narrator'"

"It went to hell in a hand basket the moment the story started" Hungary muttered.

However, not all hope was lost for the young gentleman had a son of his own, an Italian who mirrored his deceased mother in every way, kind and gentle…and a bit on the ditzy side. Okay, maybe a little hope was lost. But we'll let that slide for now, m'kay?

Once they were married, the Austrian noticed how much of a contrast the Italian was to the children of his own and made Italy do all the work in the house. Make the fire, wash the dishes, make the breakfast (although it was practically pasta 24/7), do the mopping and the sweeping and the dusting. And no little mice to make the job less stressful! WHAT A RIP-OFF!

Italy knew that he couldn't go to his father, for he would surely scold him (and the fact that the guy was totally wrapped around Austria's finger) and would go to sit by the fireplace and stir his finger in the ashes, sometimes painting little stick figures on the wall.

"Oi, Spain! Look at the little Cinderwench!" France commented and did a 'OH-HO-HO-HO' laugh. "And I do this way better than that old hack England can"

Spain, being the kind nation that we all love (but still needs to be MEAN) decided to call Italy 'Cinderella' instead. Do actual names even exist in fairy tales? We may never know.

Then it came to pass that the German prince was throwing a ball (although it was completely his older brother's idea cause come on, Germany throwing a party?) and all the fairest nations were invited. France and Spain were most excited and went through all of the town and bought up everything (of course, making Italy carry it).

Austria had Italy dress France and Spain in the finest, biggest and flashiest outfits that would make you hope you wouldn't have to run away from a pack of hungry wolves or get mistaken for a bomb target.

"Hey Italy, would you like to come with us to the ball?" France asked and Italy smiled.

"Oh yeah, it would be fun! But I would have to get a dress and my hair nicely done-"

"You know I was just kidding, right?" France replied and Italy once again gotten a sad face. Bad France! Don't toy with people's emotions! Anyone with some common since would have probably bitch-slapped France right now but Italy dressed him nicely (besides, France, naked. I think that was punishment enough, people)

Then the ball came and Spain and France were leaving for it with Italy following them all the way he could and once they were out of sight, he fell on the floor crying….

"Bye France-nii-san! Bye Spain-nii-chan! Have fun!" Italy shouted and waved happily.

"Italy, what are you doing? Start crying!" Germany shouted from where he was waiting.

"Eh? But why would I do that?" he asked and Germany slapped his forehead.

"For god sake, Italy, START CRYING! Think of something sad!" Germany shouted back and Italy looked down.

"Well, there was this one time when I was with the Holy Roman Empire…" Italy started and a violinist popped out of nowhere and began to play. Get ready for a tear-jerker, folks. "We were both walking together after he just got us some gelato and then…A SEAGULL CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND STOLE MY GELATO! WHAT WAS IT GOING TO DO WITH IT ANYWAYS?!" Italy cried out and fell out on the ground. So much for a tear-jerker. But hey, it got the job done.

In a flash of beautiful light and sparkles, Hungary appeared in a big poofy dress and almost fell in her entrance.

"Ah, what is it my dear?"

The only words that were audible were 'Holy Roman Empire', 'gelato', 'seagull' and 'llama'. Once again, use your imagination as to what a llama might have to do with any of this and Hungary sighed. "Do you wish to go to the ball?"

Italy looked up from his sadness. "Well-"

"Say no more! I'm on it!" she shouted and waved her little plastic wand. "Bring me…a tomato. Gotta shake things up a bit" Hungary said and Italy nodded. He went into the garden and grabbed one of the ripest tomatoes there was. It not like Spain would care, he had like a gazillion more to pick from.

"These tomatoes taste really good on pasta" Italy complemented.

"Yeah, sure" she said and held the tomato and waved the wand over it and changed it into a tomato carriage. Riding in a fruit (or is it vegetable?), how classy. Hungary then caught four mice and turned them into four white, magnificent horses, a rat and turned him into a coachman and a six lizards for footmen. One can only imagine how the heck she was able to do this stuff with a plastic princess wand that was bought in Wal-Mart. "And now, for your outfit"

Hungary waved the wand and in a flash of light, Italy wore a beautiful dress and with snazzy glass slippers. Oh yeah, Italy was pimpin in that outfit. Hungary smiled, happy at her work and helped the Italian into the carriage. "Now, you can't stay out after midnight, or else everything would return back to what it once was" Hungary stated.

"Okay!" Italy said, though we all know that he's going to forget about it the moment he gets to the ball. "Anything else"

"Don't eat the carriage and" Hungary stated and whispered into Italy's ear, him nodding at every word.

"Okay, I'll make sure that I'll get it" he reassured and Hungary waved him goodbye as the carriage took off to the ball.

Once the tomato carriage arrived at the ball, Italy looked and marveled at the sights of the castle…and tripped over his dress like every 5 seconds. Once he arrived inside, everyone looked at the sight of him and marveled. To think that they never seen an Italian before.

"Ah, how handsome she is!" one person stated.

"Ah, how handsome she is!" another person said like a parrot.

"Hey, if it's a she, why are we calling her 'handsome'?"

"I have no idea"

Even the young German couldn't keep his eyes off the Italian and had to dance. He took Italy by the hand and led him into a Waltz. However, the Italian was apparently moving too quick since Germany's two left feet kept stepping on everyone elses.

"Ah Germany~, you need to take dancing lessons!"

"Well dammit, slow down, this is a waltz!" Germany shouted and Italy nodded and the couple began to slow dance. Now Germany decided this was the time to whip out his handy dandy guide to all things romantic to see what to do next. 'Take lover outside and get some alone time' the book read and he shut it quickly. He dragged our poor Italy out of the ball and into the pretty garden where he sat Italy down on a bench. Time for more knowledge from the know it all about romance book!

'Caress your lover and speak sweet nothings into their ear' the book commanded and Germany's eye twitched.

"Has this been in here?" he asked himself. Backstage, France was 'correcting' some of Germany's romance guides. No matter, what the book says, DO. Germany swung his arm around Italy into a headlock and began to mutter 'I love you, but dammit, I don't know why cause I just met you'. Italy's response was tearing up and turning blue.

And speaking of turning, that big old clock that was conveniently placed tolled 11:58 and Italy gasped.

"I need to go!" he shouted dramatically and slipped out of Germany's death hold and began to run down the stairs with Germany chasing after him (while Germany was reading the chapter on 'what to do when your lover starts to run from you'). Italy, being as clumsy as always and in the panic of getting the heck out of there, managed to step out of one of his glass slippers. Instead, he continued down the stairway and out the door where he managed to dive into a bush before the clock stroke midnight.

Germany stopped as he reached the slipper and held the delicate fashion statement in his hands. He was very much in love with the person that fit this slipper. Yeah, Germany had it bad. Germany then flipped to the part of the book that talked about what to do after you find your lover and then it read this:

'F*ck them like there's no tomorrow'

Backstage, Prussia was 're-changing' some of Germany's romance guides.

"…I think I need to get another book"

A few days later after the ball had took place and Italy was back to playing maid, there came a proclamation that Germany will marry the person that fit's the glass slipper. Damn, Germany had it _really _bad. And once again, France and Spain were giddy like little schoolgirls. Some mental image, huh folks?

Germany had arrived to the home and Spain was the first to try out the beautiful footware. He slipped his foot inside of it and it didn't even get halfway inside the slipper. (Wow Spain, you have some big feet. And we all know what that means when a guy has big feet~ Hey~)

Meanwhile, Romano was turning a red that wasn't even known by the world until now.

France pushed Spain aside and began to stuff his foot that was attached to his hairy leg into the very tiny shoe. He shoved and shoved and shoved, even taking the shoe out of Germany's hand and began to shove it until he couldn't shove no more. He turned to Germany and stated:

"Let me get some butter and I'll be right back"

France quickly dashed out the door, leaving all of the nations confused. Italy raised his hand.

"Can I try it on?" he asked so sweetly that just makes you wanna go 'AWWW' and Spain smiled.

"Yeah, Italy should be able to fit it nicely" Spain said before being handed a slip of paper, "I mean 'Ha, her? She's just a mere little Cinderwench'-are these France's lines?" Spain asked but it went unnoticed. Hey, if a nation's not there, we gotta IMPROVISE~!

Germany, though surpisingly not recognizing Italy in the first place, slipped the slipper delicately onto Italy's small foot and it fit. Cue the sappy-finally-realizing-your-one-true-love-song. Immediately, they had a big wedding with all the trimmings and Germany and Italy got married. And instead of people throwing rice, they threw broken pieces of uncooked pasta! And some threw wurst. Yeah. Okay.

Spain was forgiven for his cruel ways (that I didn't really pay attention to) and was hooked up with another Italian, wink-wink. France arrived at the wedding shouting:

"I got the butter! Let's have at that shoe!"

Then he saw Italy coming down the stairs with Germany in a bridal's dress (1) and stated:

"Fuck"

Hungary tapped Italy on the shoulder.

"Do you have your payment?" she asked and he nodded before taking an envelope out of wherever he had it and she smiled brightly.

"What did you give her?" Germany asked.

"Photos of Austria sleeping and in the bath!" Italy said cheerfully and Germany just shuddered. Back at the house, Austria felt he was being violated in some way.

And so, Germany, Italy, & Hungary and her pictures lived happily ever after.

* * *

(1) Just so you know, Italy _is _the one in the dress, but heck, it'll work either ways, right? Have it your way (Having a funny mental image).

Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, & story alerts, it really keeps me going! Next chapter that's comming up....KING MIDAS! GOOOLLLLDDDD!

If you want to see one of the luckey Hetalia characters turning things gold (and screwing everything up in the process), review, review, REVIEW!!


	5. King Midas

And we are back with another installment of 'The Fairy Tales of Hetalia'! Now, everyone that has been reviewing was saying to use Prussia or Korea or Japan or America or China or whoever to have the Golden Touch and well...I already had this story written out on paper. Besides, I already have plans for Prussia to be in 'The Emperor's New Clothes' (but he's not going to be the emperor, RUSSIA is. Heh-heh-heh...) and for China, Korea (and I'm not sure what role Japan can fit in but I am going to use him!) in the next chapter (I'm not going to say what it is so you'll have to guess!). So, hopefully you'll like this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Italian Satyrs and GOOOLLLDD!

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**

Once upon a time, there was a young Liechtenstein princess and her older Swiss brother who were holding a counseling for the poor citizens of the country they ruled.

"I wish there was more peace in this world" she said with calm in her voice and Switzerland placed his head on his hand.

"_I_ wish we had more money" he stated. True, the civilization didn't have much. And Switzerland, being the lovable miser (1) he is, needed more. So it was apparent luck that one day, while he and his younger brother were strolling in the beautiful rose garden that they found a goat…person…thingy.

"Satyr" England corrected.

Yeah, that's it! A Satyr! And it was passed out in their roses! Liechtenstein's first instinct was to tap it's hoof, which caused it to mumble, "Nng, Germany. Let me sleep for 5 more minutes" it stated and turned over a bit to look at the girl. "Germany! You gotten smaller! And more cuter!"

"I'm not Germany " Liechtenstein stated and the Italian Satyr smiled a dazed smile. Switzerland, however, was not happy with this thing in his garden. Heck, he's not happy if it's anyone except Liechtenstein in his garden. Faster than you can say 'tee-hee', Switzerland whipped out a gun and held it to the Italian's head.

"You have crushed my roses and the penalty for that is death" he stated and Italy began to get teary eyed.

"You're going to kill me for sleeping in your roses?! I'd hate to see what you guys do for actual crimes"

Switzerland readied his hand on the trigger and Italy hopped to his hooves. "Wait, I can give you anything that you want! Anything you wish! Just please don't kill me!" Italy pleaded, even getting on his knees. Liechtenstein tapped her bottom lip.

"I wish for world-"

"MONEY!" Switzerland shouted out. "I wish for money". Way to get rid of the one chance for world peace, Switzerland. Italy smiled and pulled out a pad and a pencil.

"Okay, I got diamonds, rubies, dollars, gold-"

"GOLD! GOLD!" Switzerland shouted, as if he was on a game show and Italy jotted it down.

"Okay, I have golden bars, gold coins, Goldilocks-no wait, wrong story. But I got gold clothes, golden touch, gold-"

"Wait, wait. Go back to the other one"

"…Goldilocks?"

"No, you idiot! The other one!"

"….Golden touch!"

"Yeah! That one!" Switzerland cheered and Italy stuck the pad into where-ever he could stick the pad at. Italy waved goodbye and skipped off to fill its stomach with Switzerland having a big smile on his face. His younger sister turned to him.

"Do you fill any different, brother?" she asked and his smile faded.

"Not really…I just got ripped off, didn't I?"

"Possibly" she stated and Switzerland stomped off, grumbling "Stupid story"

However, the next morning, when the sunlight entered though Switzerland's window, he turned and touched the sheets of his bed to block out the light and they turned to gold. Astonished, he then turned the bedpost gold, and then his clothes, and then his rifles and in his excitement, one of his servants. Woot! Free statue!

Switzerland then decided to go into his sister's room and turn everything to gold as a surprise because we all know, everything is better when it's gold! He touched her clothes, her bed sheets, her flowers in the vase, her ribbons, everything. With each second passing by, Switzerland was turning into more like Goldfinger (all he needed was some gold-colored prostitutes and he'd be perfect!)

He sat down at his table (that now turned gold) and waited for his sister to arrive with a smile on his face. Liechtenstein came running in her plain clothes with one of the golden roses and held it out to her brother.

"Look what happened!" she shouted and Switzerland smiled.

"See, doesn't it look pretty?" he asked.

"Brother, this flower is **dead**"

"…..Well, how about some breakfast?" he asked and Liechtenstein sighed before taking her seat at the table. Switzerland called over one of his servants and whispered in their ear, "Make sure to get some more roses for my sister, you got that?" he asked and the servant nodded.

Switzerland smiled as he held the fork in hand, ready to take the first bite of Rösti. He stabbed the food and placed it in his mouth and began to chew, but the food turned quickly into metal in his mouth and he spat it out.

"Is there something wrong, brother?" Liechtenstein asked and Switzerland refrained from cursing like there was no tomorrow in front of his sister from the pain in his mouth. Note to Switzerland: GO TO THE DENTIST : D. Switzerland then took a piece of potato in his mouth, only to come up with the same results. He then tried to take a drink from his glass, but the liquid turned to solid when it touched his lips.

"I can't eat, I can't drink, what kind of gift is this?! More like curse…" he muttered. See! If you'd wish for world peace, we'd be seeing good results by now! "Aw, shut up"

Liechtenstein, afraid for her brother's health (cause come on, who _knows _what's going to happen when you're in fairy tales that I'm writing) walked over to him and reached out to touch his shoulder. But as soon as she did, she quickly turned into a beautiful gold statue.

Now, Switzerland was in old-mother-panic mode. He began running around in circles and cursing at the whole point of this story. He decided to seek out help.

First, he called a French jeweler and the conversation went like this:

"Very beautiful, exquisite coloring….I'll give you $50 bucks for the girl"

"AS IF THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!"

Then the Swiss man proceeded to chase the French man off the premises with a shotgun.

Then he decided to consult a British doctor which had this conversation:

"Hm, her eyes are healthy, looks like she's in good shape. I recommend eating 24.…_karats_. Heh-heh.."

"….GET OFF OF MY PROPERTY!"

Then the Swiss man chased the English man off his property with an even bigger shotgun.

Switzerland tried to keep everything as normal as possible with his metal sister. At public appearances, he waved her around to make her seem she was waving at the crowds and accidentally dropped her on an unsuspecting peddler (don't worry though, he's still alive) and at private dances, he heaved as he tried to do a twirl. But with the laws of gravity obviously not on Switzerland's side, he always plummeted to the floor on top of his sister (very-incesty looking, don't cha think?). By the time he managed to get back on his feet and get his sister up, everyone was staring, to which he retorted: "What're you staring at?! Dance! DANCE!"

It was no use, for his sister was still gold and all options were out. Well, there was one….

Switzerland was carrying his 900-pound sister-

"SHE DOESN'T WEIGHT THAT MUCH!" Switzerland shouted, to which he fell flat on his face, crushed. Yeah...well she does now. Once more, the Swiss man carried the statue on his back to find once again, the Italian satyr passed out in the roses. "Hey! Goat-thing! Wake up!"

Italy snorted a bit and turned over to smile.

"Ah, hello! How is everything going with the golden touch?" he asked and Switzerland made a nod to his statue of a sister.

"What do you think?" he retorted. Cue Jeopardy music, folks. Italy stood there, thinking. He thought, and thought, and thought, I think maybe an hour had passed by. Switzerland fell asleep standing up and still had his sister on his back. Another note to Switzerland: GO TO THE CAIROPRACTOR : D.

"Oh! I know!" Italy shouted, causing Switzerland to grunt, "Huh?". "Things aren't really working out with the golden touch, huh?" Italy asked.

"Well, duh. How do I change her back?"

"Well, you must admit that you do not want any of the gold in the world"

"I don't want any of the gold in the world"

"Say it like you mean it"

"I just did"

"Oh…now say it with a cherry on top!" Italy said happily and Switzerland growled.

"Dammit! If you don't tell me how to fix her-"

"Okay! Okay!" Italy quickly said to the angering Swiss man. "There is a river and if you pour the water on anything that you touched that turned to gold, it will be normal"

Switzerland quickly rushed over to the river and first jumped in himself (just to make sure the Italian was telling the truth. If not, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY)

Sure enough, the once golden clothes were now back to normal and he rejoiced. He then took a handful of water and poured it on his little sister and she became alive once again. She shook the water from her hair and looked down.

"Brother, what are you doing? Why am I covered in water?" she asked and Switzerland laughed. He scooped the girl up and twirled her around. Don't it make you wanna go aww?

And so, Switzerland and Liechtenstein lived happily ever-

"Wait, brother, what are you doing?" Liechtenstein asked as she saw Switzerland beginning to stuff all of the gold items in boxes.

"Like hell, I'm actually going to get rid of this stuff! Free gold!" he shouted and tossed the gold servant into a box.

Well, Switzerland lived happily ever after, because we all know everything is better when it's free!

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(1) In one of the comics, Switzerland had the option to outbuy Austria for some expensive cheese or take the cheap-o cheese cause he _knew _he can since he's all rich and stuff. He took the cheap-o cheese...CAUSE HE CAN!

Hope you enjoy this chapter and the next one as well. So here are some hints as to what that story may be:

1. It was made into a Disney movie

2. The hero is a guy

3. There is an evil sorcerer

So go on and guess people! And if you want to see China as the hero, Korea as the hero's-magical-friend and Japan as.....whoever, review, review, REVIEW!...Aru~


	6. Aladdin

Congratulations to Littlefox 012 & Queen of the Solar System for guessing it right. This chapter is Aladdin. I am so sorry for the month long update. I am so sorry for people who don't like JapanxChina (though if you do, well, LOL) because that's the pairing in this chapter. I am so sorry that I couldn't find any online versions of Aladdin and had to use the Disney version for reference. And that's enough about the pity of woe for this chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Disney songs, possibly OOC England & Korea & mentions of fangirls**

* * *

Once upon a time, in a small kingdom in the middle of who-knows-where, there was a British sorcerer and his American acquaintance who were in search of a cave of magical wonders~

"Come on down, stop on by, hop a carpet and ride to another Arabian night~ Arabian niiiiiiIIIIghts, like Arabian daaaayyss~ More often than not, are hotter than hot in a lot of good waaaayyss~"

"AMERICA, SHUT THE HELL UP!" England shouted.

"What? I'm just singing"

"Well keep it to yourself! It's annoying"

America pouted and hummed the tune to himself as they rode off towards the cave of magical wonders~

Now in the small kingdom of who-knows-where there was a young street urchant by the name of Aladdin who was in the process of stealing food.

"Come back here! Thief!" the guards shouted as the Chinese urchant jumped and dodged the swinging swords.

"He gotta keep one jump ahead of the breadline, one swing ahead of the sword. He steals only what he can't afford-" America's voice was being overheard backstage, followed by a loud slap and a loud 'Ow!'. China rolled his eyes.

"America needs to stop watching so many Disney movies, aru~" China muttered and dodged another sword. True, he only did steal what he couldn't afford and at the moment, he couldn't afford bread. A GUY'S GOTTA EAT, PEOPLE! So as China is being chased down by those crazy guards, let's see what our British and American friends are doing…

America and England were both standing in front of a deep and dark cave. England turned to America.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go in"

"Are you kidding me?! That place could be filled to the rim with ghost, or worse, American-eating ghosts!" America cried out and England rolled his eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, there are no ghosts in that cave, watch" England stated and put one foot inside the cave before it began to rumble and shake like it was the end of the world and England quickly stepped out before a rock could fall on him.

"See! I told you, we can't go in there. We need to find…" he paused for dramatic effect, "the diamond in the rough". (1) Suddenly, there was a 'BUM-BUM-BUUUUMMM' and the nations looked around quickly.

"What the hell was that?" England asked himself

"I don't know, but we should take that noise as a 'What I just said was very important to the plot' noise"

"Whatever"

Now back to our hero who was enjoying the bit of bread that he had left. As China placed the last piece of bread into his mouth, there was a knock at the door.

"Ah, who can this be, aru~" China said to himself as he got up and walked over to the door and opened it to reveal England and America, which made China very confused. I'm pretty sure you're wondering how England and America managed to find out who the diamond in the rough was and find out where he was and how they got there so quickly, huh? And that answer is: It's all in the power of Instant Messaging!

"Ah, my dear nephew!" England stated and gave China a hug, increasing his confusion up by 5.

"Nephew?"

"Yeah, I am the brother of your late father" England said with a smile and then paused, "Ignore the fact that I look nothing like you cause believe me, I AM YOUR UNCLE"

"Okay, okay, aru"

America made a noise and England looked over at him.

"Oh, and this is your Disney-singing git cousin" England explained and America scowled. "Now listen, I need you to come with us to this cave and get this lamp-"

"Wait, you just show up all of a sudden and then say I need to go into a deep, dark cave to get some old lamp, aru?"

"I know this story doesn't make sense at the moment, but I need you to get that lamp…I'll convince Japan to get you all the Hello Kitty toys that there possibly are" England stated and China's eyes lit up. There's a new thing for persuasion people, and that thing is HELLO KITTY!

"I'll do it, aru!" China shouted and England snickered.

"Excellent" he said in a total Mr. Burns way (2).

China, England, and America once again were at the cave of magical wonders~.

"Okay, like I said, there is a lamp down there. However, the cave is riddled with booby-traps and-"

America began to snicker and England looked back at him. "What is it?"

"You said 'booby'" America said and England rolled his eyes.

"Anyways, I need you to retrieve me the lamp. Don't touch anything else, understand?"

"Yes, aru" China said and went inside the cave, the traps not even coming on for him. A few meters down in the cave, China came across beautiful jewelry and gold. Any robber's dream. China then saw a dusty, old lamp and, thinking that it is the right one, went over to pick it up, that is, until he heard a voice.

"No aniki! Pick the nicer looking one over here!" that annoying voice that China knows too well shouted out.

"Do I have to?" China muttered to himself.

"Well, England and America are probably making an attempt to trap you in here with me anyways, so you might as well get it over with" the voice said and China sighed before picking up the shinier and apparently more awesomer lamp. Smoke erupted from the lamp and out poured the all-powerful genie, KOREA!

"Oh god…" China muttered underneath his breath and Korea just smiled gleefully. Meanwhile, back at the mouth of the cave, America and England were pondering on what to do with China.

"Well, he could cook for us. I'm not that good with Chinese food" America said. True America, you are not. (3)

"And just what is wrong with my cooking?"

"…"

AND let's get back to the more important parts of the story.

"I want to get out of this cave, aru~. Send me back to my home, genie!"

"Wouldn't you like to come to my place? It's much nicer and cozier and there's room for one more" Korea persuaded and China sweatdropped.

"No, I'll take my rooftop home" China said and Korea sighed before clapping his hands and a flash of purple smoke and China was back at his home, dirt and all. Astounded by the genie's amazing powers, China's next wish was to become rich and powerful and to marry the male-looking prince of the small kingdom of who-knows-where. Hooray! It's another person making wishes that will go wrong in the end anyways but will work out in the end story!

Korea (though getting kind of pissed off) granted China's wish and he became Princess Japan (SEE, I SQUEEZED HIM IN THERE) husband. Right now, all the incest-loving fangirls are having a field-day of glee.

"Wait, wait! We can't have them get married yet! They still need to do the 'Whole New World' song!" America barged in.

"Why should we?! Let's just get this story over with!" England shouted and America crossed his arms and pouted. "That worked when you were small and cute, but that's not going to work this time"

America decided that this was the time for his super secret move, the PUPPY DOG POUT! Yep, that how you get things around here nowadays. England tried his best not to stare directly at the pout but failed miserably. "Fine, let's just hurry and speed this up already"

Faster than anyone that can say the fear of long words (4), China and Japan were up in the night-lit sky on a magic carpet with music playing from…somewhere.

"Seriously, aru. Where is that music coming from?" China asked himself and turned to find Austria on his piano and on a magic carpet following right behind him. Yep, when you start hearing music coming from nowhere, you know that Austria is close by.

"America-san, would we have to sing too?" Japan asked and America screamed out a 'YES!' followed by some random fangirl screaming 'OMFG YES!'. China sighed and both of them began to sing the song…use your imagination as to what their singing voice sounds like…or just listen to their character singles, even better.

One day, while cleaning up and around the palace (and obviously not heard of these things called 'SERVANTS') Japan was going through things and came across China's lamp containing Korea. Seeing this old lamp as not very useful at the time, he went outside to the market and traded it with this old peddler with bushy eyebrows for a shiny new lamp. And how did England and America knew that China had left the cave? Well, when someone doesn't show up for 4 days, you can assume they're either dead or went to do something else.

England snickered as Japan walked back to the palace with the new lamp enclosed in his hand and as soon as he was in a more private place, he rubbed the lamp quickly and out spewed Korea in all his glory.

"You're not aniki!" Korea shouted and England laughed his evil laugh (man, England has been laughing a lot during these stories).

"It doesn't matter now does it? I rubbed the lamp, you belong to me…in a non-kinky way" England quickly cleaned up his statement and Korea sighed heavily, knowing that he has no freedom and must do what the commander of the lamp says. Sure sucks to be you, huh, Korea.

England, with a wave of his robe and it hitting America square in the face, said, "I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!". His wish was granted. England was covered in a cloud of smoke and once it cleared, he resembled close to a wannabe Harry Potter…lulz. (5)

England commanded a storm over the city, causing rain and hail to fall and fire erupting from all of the ground. China quickly ran out of the palace, seeing this sight and finding that the only possible explanation for all of this chaos was Korea. Yep, when all hell is breaking loose, blame your baby brother.

China ran to the center of the city (and past all of the screaming people screaming 'HOLY SH*T, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!) to find America standing right next to a swirling cyclone in the middle of the town. It's true, magic makes ya crazy.

England looked down at the small little dot who's name was China and laughed haughtily.

"Ha! You cannot defeat me, I am the most powerful being on Earth!" England shouted loudly and China smiled with a brilliant idea.

"True, aru, but a genie is 10 times more powerful than you!" China shouted and England stared at him before shouting, 'GENIE!'.

"What do you want now!" Korea shouted from his lamp and England then shouted, 'MAKE ME A GENIE!'. Once again, England's wish was granted. The cyclone stopped whirling and there was England shirtless (yes fangirls, SQUEEL!) and floating high in the air.

"Ha, ha, ha! And now with my new powers, I shall take over this univer-" England started, but then began to feel the sudden tug on his legs. He looked down to find that his lower half of his body was being sucked into the opening of a brand new lamp. Like we didn't see this coming already.

England was forcefully sucked into the lamp against his own will and all the chaos was reversed. China's final wish was to set Korea free and Korea now lives with Japan and China. And all lived happily ever after…then again…

America retreated back to his home and rubbed England's lamp, causing the other nation to erupt from it in a cloud of smoke.

"Excelent job America," England stated, "now we can continue our conquest to take over the wor-"

"_**I**_ wish for you to cook me some **real **food…in a maid's outfit" America stated and poof! England was now in a sexy maid's costume with a tray full of hamburgers.

Well we can all tell that America really did live happily ever after.

* * *

(1) Hooray for Disney making things seem more dramatic than they need to be!

(2) Watch the Simpsons! If you do, you know what I mean

(3) Not saying that Chinese-American food isn't alright, but when you taste actual Chinese food, there is a difference

(4) Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, the fear of long words. Try saying this two times fast.

(5) And it pretty much goes down hill from here

Sorry this chapter sucks, like **really bad**. I was thinking about the next chapter being 'The Fisherman & His Wife' or maybe 'The Frog Prince' (though it might be the first one because I have a plan for it). Does everyone think it's time for some Poland & Lithuania happy time? (With Belarus and Russia just happening to join in, heh heh). If you want to see Poland making his debut in the 'Fairy Tales of Hetalia', review, review, REVIEW!


	7. The Fisherman and His Wife

And here's the next installment for the Fairy Tales of Hetalia! Sorry for the long update though. I was hanging out in Las Vegas and it got me some time to write out some new material for some more chapters. We'll be having Sleeping Beauty, Hansel & Gretel, and The Elves and the Shoemaker chapters coming up very soon! But until then, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Crazy wishes, possibly OOC Poland and a revised ending**

* * *

Once upon a time in a small cottage that was near the sea, there was a poor couple, a Lithuanian fisherman and his Belarusian wife. Every day, Lithuania would go out to the open water and fish for something to sell in the market and would always come home empty-handed, making Belarus very furious and usually crushing his fingers. Lithuania, of course, thinks this is just an act out of love....Riight~

So, on the third day of fishing in the grey waters, in his old boat, Lithuania found that his line went down, way down. He quickly drew it up and brought out a large flounder, which was flopping aimlessly and gasping for air…water…whatever.

"Hey! Gag me with a pitchfork! You can't eat me! I'm, like, not really a fish. I'm totally a magic prince!" the flounder shouted about and Lithuania sighed. Who would want to eat something that talks? That's just plain creepy. No point in even trying to sell this at the market. But then his eyes lit up. Maybe people will pay more for a talking fish… "Hey! Are you, like, listening to me?!"

"Relax. I'll let go of a talking fish anyways" Lithuania said and the Polish fish grinned happily before Lithuania placed the flounder back into the water. "I hope he doesn't get eaten by a shark while he's down there" he muttered to himself and went back to his home to his wife in the hovel.

"Darling! I'm home!" Lithuania shouted as he stepped inside his house. Oh how much he loved this role! Belarus turned from sharpening her steak knives.

"Hello…_husband_" Belarus forced out, her words dripping with venom. Oh how much she hated this role! "You didn't catch anything today?"

"No," Lithuania said, rubbing the back of his head shyly, "I did catch this flounder, but he said he was an enchanted prince, so I let him go again"

"An enchanted prince? Are you serious?!" Belarus shouted, "didn't you at least ask for something first?"

"…Was I supposed to?" Lithuania asked and Belarus scowled before placing on her sad eyes.

"It's so difficult to live in this dirty shack, you should have wished for us to live in a small cottage. In fact, yeah. Go back to him and tell him we want a small cottage, he'll at least give us that"

"Why should I go back to him?"

"You could have caught him and sold him at the market and we could have got some money, but you let him go. **He owes us**"

Lithuania didn't really want to go, but he didn't want to upset his sweet wife (sweet?) either. Besides, he was just now regaining the feeling in his hands. He sighed and went back to the sea.

Once he got there, the sea was all green and yellow (remember kids, DON'T POLLUTE OUR WATERS) and no longer smooth, he stood and shouted out:

"Flounder, flounder in the sea, come, I pray thee, here to me. For my dear wife, good Belarus-"

"_Good?_ Are you kidding me? The woman wouldn't hesitate to drop an anvil on you, like, wow, how good is that?!" Poland shouted and Lithuania sighed. Silly Polish fish, Belarus is just saying that she loves Lithuania in her own special way…Riight~

"You see, I did catch you, but my wife said I really should have asked for something. She doesn't like to live in such a wretched hut; she would like to live in a small cottage"

"Does she" Poland scowled and waited a few seconds, "Go then, she already has it. I'm outtie"

Lithuania thanked the flounder and hurried home and sure enough, there was a nice stone cottage with Belarus sitting at the doorstep. She smiled a very OOC smile and led Lithuania into their new home. Inside was a very nicely sized kitchen and pantry filled to the brim with food, a small little parlor with the finest of furniture and a bedroom with a very big bed. And behind the cottage was a small yard with ducks and hens and a small garden with flowers and fruits.

"It's so nice" Belarus admitted and Lithuania tried to hold her hand, only to just put his hand back to his side once he got a death glare from his wife.

"Yeah, we'll live quite contented"

"We'll see about that" Belarus muttered and they both went to bed…well, Belarus went to sleep in the bed, Lithuania made his bed on the couch. Well, she had to draw the line somewhere, folks.

Everything went well for a week until Belarus stated, "Husband, this cottage is far too small for us and the garden and yard is little, that flounder should have given us a bigger house"

"Well, you did say you wanted a small cottage" Lithuania said quietly and Belarus ignored the comment that came out of the nation's mouth (but then again, she ignored almost everything Lithuania says).

"Tell him that we want to live in a stone castle" Belarus ordered and Lithuania gotten up to his feet.

"But this place is so nice, why do we need to live in a castle? I don't want to go back to the flounder so soon, he might get angry" he said and Belarus once again placed on those 'you-will-obey-me' sad eyes.

"We could have sold him for money but we let him go and then he repays us by sticking us in a cottage that was even smaller than our hovel. **He owes us**"

Lithuania sighed and then made his way to the sea, repeating over in his mind, "This isn't right. This isn't right".

Once he came to the now swirling purple and dark-blue ocean, he called out:

"Flounder, flounder in the sea, come, I pray thee, here to me. For my dear wife, good Belarus-"

"**That fox isn't good. Do I have to spell it out for you?**" Poland grumbled back and Lithuania, a little freaked out, said:

"You see, my wife finds the cottage too small and would want to live in a great, stone castle"

"Well she said she wanted a _small _cottage" Poland replied and Lithuania nodded. "Go, she already has it"

Lithuania hurried his way back to the home only to find a large castle and Belarus standing on the steps. She led Lithuania inside once more to marvel at the bright and beautiful hangings on the wall, the tables and chairs that looked like they were made out of gold, the glass chandeliers that hung from the ceilings and the servants that threw doors open wide for them. And in the back was a courtyard with horses and a magnificent garden.

"This is way better than that old cramped cottage" Belarus said and Lithuania smiled weakly.

"Yeah, now we'll live in this beautiful castle and be content" he said and Belarus frowned.

"We'll see about that" she muttered and they both went to bed…Belarus sleeping in the bed and Lithuania sleeping on a more comfortable couch, of course.

The next morning, Belarus woke Lithuania up from his couch and dragged him over to the window to see the valleys and the farmlands of the land they resided in.

"Wouldn't it be nice to have rule over all that land? Go to that flounder; tell him that we want to become king" Belarus ordered and Lithuania stiffened.

"Why do we need to become king? I don't want to become king" Lithuania said and Belarus scoffed.

"Fine then, if you don't want to become king, then I will. Tell the flounder that I want to become king"

"Why do you want to become king? I don't want to go now" Lithuania pleaded and Belarus placed on her 'OBEY-ME~' sad eyes.

"Why wouldn't I want to become king? Just go!" she ordered and Lithuania sighed before walking out the door to the ocean. Lithuania kept muttering to himself, "It's not right, it's not right", until he reached the ocean that was tossing and turning and smelled absolutely putrid.

"Poland…"Lithuania said and the flounder came out. He twiddled his fingers. "You see, my wife isn't so happy with the castle anymore and wants to become king-"

"King? Seriously? Like, greedy much" Poland stated and Lithuania looked down at his feet. "Fine, she has it. You, like, seriously need to grow a backbone, Liet" the flounder said and went back underwater and Lithuania made his way back to his home.

Once he got to his home, he found the castle to be even bigger than before and that Belarus was no longer standing outside waiting for him. There were guards and a number of soldiers with trumpets and kettle-drums. And when he went inside, everything was made of marble and gold. And there sat Belarus, perched on top a tall throne of gold and wore a crown adorned with diamonds.

"Ah wife, so you are now king" Lithuania said as Belarus twirled her scepter like a baton.

"Yes"

One awkward silence later…

"So does this mean that you'll stop wishing for things?"

"Heck no!" Belarus shouted and Lithuania hung his head. "These past 10 minutes made me think and I can bear it no longer; go to the flounder, I am king, but I want to become emperor"

"WHAT?!" Lithuania shouted, taken aback. "Why do you want to become emperor?! He can't make you emperor; I'm pretty sure of that. There's already an emperor here and the flounder can't make you one!" Lithuania said and Belarus placed on her 'bitch-you-better-obey-me' eyes.

"I am the king! _You _are nothing but a nation that must play my husband in this stupid story. If the flounder could make me a king, he can make me an emperor. Now go!"

Lithuania dragged his feet back to the ocean, screaming in his head how this will not end well and the flounder must at last get tired out. With that, he reached the now black and bubbling sea and said:

"Flounder, flounder-"

"Like, what does she want now?" Poland asked, annoyed.

"Alas, my wife wants to become emperor"

"Emperor?! But I, like, just made her a king 10 minutes ago! So not cool! I better be getting something good out of doing this role!" Poland shouted before muttering, "Go to her. She's an emperor"

Lithuania had his speech all planned out in his head, just in case Belarus wanted to wish for something else as soon as he set foot in the place. Once he got there, he found that the castle was now a palace that was made all of marble and soldiers were marching, smashing cymbals and blowing trumpets. He pushed past all of the barons and counts and dukes until finally finding Belarus sitting in an even taller throne with an even bigger crown.

"Wife, are you emperor?" Lithuania asked. No Lithuania, she was just dressing up as an emperor and had all of these actors and the place painted over for the hell of it.

"Yes" Belarus replied lazily and Lithuania took a step forward.

"Wife, now that you are emperor, be satisfied with what you have. You can't become anything greater now" Lithuania pleaded and Belarus crossed her arms.

"I'll think about it" she stated and she went to her bed while Lithuania went to his couch. But greediness kept her awake, for she was thinking about what else she could possibly become. As she tossed and turned in her bed and the redness of dawn began to peek its way through the window, she sat up and looked at it, a smile forming at her lips.

Lithuania was pushed off the couch by his wife and onto the floor and she pointed at the sun rising in the east.

"Can't I too order when the sun and the moon should rise? Husband! Go to the flounder; tell him I want to be even as God is" she said and Lithuania rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I think I misunderstood what you just said" Lithuania stated with an 'oh-please-don't-say-what-I-think-you're-going-to-say' smile.

"If I can't control the rise of the sun and the moon, I won't be able to know how to feel another happy hour again" Belarus said oh-so-dramatically and Lithuania gulped, jumping up onto his feet.

"I can't do that! And neither can the Flounder! He made you a king and an emperor. I plead you, don't ask for anymore; continue going on as emperor" Lithuania groaned and Belarus fell to the floor, kicking and screaming furiously and very OOC-ly.

"I want to be like God! OBEY ME!" she shouted and Lithuania quickly threw on his pants (some visual, huh folks?) and dashed out the door. How he hated his wife's dark-yet-somehow-sexy-and-irresistible attitude. Hmm…maybe Lithuania is really a masochist, it would explain things.

Outside of their not-so-happy-dappy palace was a raging storm with winds that almost knocked the Lithuanian off his feet as he tried to make his way to the now black and wild sea.

"Flounder, flounder in the sea-" Lithuania started out and Poland popped up.

"It's like, 6am in the morning! I so totally need my beauty sleep! What does she want now?!" Poland shouted and Lithuania paused. [1]

"She wants to be like god, but I just want her to be happy" Lithuania stated and Poland pondered a bit.

"Like, you can go now. She's living back in that dirty shack again" Poland said and Lithuania's jaw dropped. "But hey, at least she'll be, like, happy"

Lithuania sighed and dragged his feet back to where their home now stood and waited a few seconds before he entered the hovel.

Everything was back to normal like Poland had said, except Belarus was holding onto a chained Russia, who was looking very scared and disturbed at the moment. Russia's eyes lit up once Lithuania had stopped to stare at the sight.

"Ah, Lithuania!" Russia shouted and Belarus gave a glare at the Baltic nation.

"Are you happy, Belarus?" Lithuania asked.

"I'd be even happier if you would leave me and nii-san alone" Belarus replied.

"No Lithuania, stay with us! Three's company, right?" Russia pleaded.

"No, three's a crowd. Beat it, Lithuania" Belarus ordered.

And so, Belarus was happy that Russia was now her boy-toy for life but not happy because he was trying to escape to be with Lithuania. Lithuania was happy because Belarus was happy but not happy that her boy-toy was determined to make him _his _boy-toy. And Russia was happy that his boy-toy was with him again but not happy that Belarus had decided that they will be getting married next week.

So…hm…yeah, they'll get their actual happily ever after next time.

* * *

[1] Changed the story up right here

Sorry if this wasn't the Poland/Lithuania happy time that you were expecting. It'll happen later though, promise. And now, it's time for your favorite time of the story, duh-duh-dah! Choose Your Own Chapter!

Audience: (claps)

Me: Now I'm thinking about having the next chapter being The Little Red Hen (you know, the one where the hen is making bread and all the other animals act like total asses and don't help). So here's the question:

In the next chapter, 'The Little Red Hen', who would you want to be the Little Red Hen?

A) England

B) Germany (though he wouldn't be 'Little')

C) Canada (So cute!)

D) Sealand (Also cute!)

So yeah, vote in your review or in the poll on my profile. The more votes for a certain character, the more chances of them winning. You get two votes, people! So, if you want to see one of these guys become the Little Red Hen and get dissed by other naitons being animals, review, review, REVIEW!


	8. The Little Red Hen

And now here is the next installment of the Fairy Tales of Hetalia! And with 14 votes, our Little Red Hen is ...Canada! Hooray! Oh, and due to unestel's request, I am posting these stories also at the lj main community too ^^ Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Not-too-hot-for-T-rating-AmericaxEngland-action and Animal!Nations**

* * *

Once upon a time in a nice little countryside where the sun bathed it in a bright glow, there was a little red Canadian hen. Now while Canada went outside to fetch some water with his small polar bear friend, he came across a grain of wheat. And since it he found it at a good time of day, he figured, why not plant it?

So, he went over to his next door neighbor's home, the Italian cat, to see if he can help plant his grain of wheat. Is planting a little grain of wheat so hard that you need two people?

"Well, you like, need two people to change a light bulb" Poland said offstage.

…Moving on. Canada knocked ever-so slightly on the door but found no response. He twisted the doorknob to find that it was already open so he invited himself in.

Italy was busy doing push-ups in his gigantic kitty-cat costume with a shouting Germany in his rabbit costume standing right beside him.

"Germany! This is hard! And this costume is too hot!"

"You don't see me complaining about these stupid costumes, do you?! 10 more!" Germany shouted and blew threw his whistle, though who could take him seriously? What with his fluffy, bunny ears and his wittle bunny tail~ and those long whiskers~

"Germany's tail is as soft as his butt" Italy added on and Germany stomped his foot on the nation's back, causing Italy to scream even louder than before until he noticed the Canadian standing in the doorway.

"What is it? Wait, you don't have a camera, do you?!" Germany replied, shielding his face and Canada scratched the back of his head.

"I was wondering if Italy would be able to help me plant this grain of wheat" Canada said and held the small little seed up for Germany to inspect.

"Is planting a grain really that hard?" Germany asked and Canada nodded, a little embarrassed. Germany shook his head. "Sorry, both of us are busy. I need to get Italy in top shape. He's been slacking off a lot through these stories and it's about time for him to get on track"

The German looked down to see that the spot Italy was supposed to be doing push-ups was bare. He looked out the window to find the Italian blazing down the country path. "ITALY!"

Germany jumped out of the one-story window and then chased after the Italian cat. Run, bunny!Germany, run! Canada sighed and went back to his house, seeing that he will have to do the planting by himself.

A few weeks later, the little red hen went out to check his wheat grain to find that it was about time to do some harvesting. 'Germany the bunny and Italy the cat might still be busy doing their training' thought Canada, 'so I'll go see if America can help'.

Canada went further over to the countryside and to a small white cabin near a large pond where that one American fox lived. When Canada peaked inside the window, all the lights were turned off and the other windows were covered with the curtains, but there were voices coming from inside. So Canada tried the doorknob and it was unlocked.

Canada opened the door to find America (clad in his red, white and blue boxers with his fox costume thrown off somewhere) and England (in his yellow-duckey costume) on the floor with obnoxiously loud making-out sounds coming from the two. America looked up from his pleasure to his stunned (and possibly scarred for the rest of his life) brother and smiled nervously.

"Canada…this isn't what it looks like…England was just trying to find my hamburger that I dropped in my costume…which would explain why I'm almost naked. And-and, he tripped over his costume and fell on me-"

"But you're on him" Canada said, a little phased.

"…"

"…"

"Canada," England said from underneath America, "as you can see, me and your brother are busy at the moment, so hurry up and ask us your question so we can say no"

"Well, you see I need some help harvesting my wheat so…" Canada started but slowly his voice died out until saying, "I think I'll just go now"

"Make sure you lock the door! I don't want France barging in here naked with a video camera, whipped cream and sex toys like he did last time!" England shouted out and a large creeped-out chill ran up Canada's spine. This is a children's story, dammit! If you're going to say something sexually, at least lace it up with innuendoes and double entendres so it gets past the censorship!

Canada turned the lock before stepping outside and shutting the door completely and sighed, seeing as though he would have to do the harvesting by himself. However, his thought was interrupted by the loud couch springs squeaking and at the moment small moans from inside and hurried to get the heck away before the image of his brother and England popped back up in his head. Oh where, oh where was Super Sweden, I wonder.

"Um, he's having a difficult time finding his costume" Finland replied backstage followed by loud crashes.

…Back to the story. A few days after Canada had done his harvesting, he decide that it would be a nice day to do the threshing. Germany and Italy might still be doing their training (because we all know how Germany likes to work our Italy) and he really hoped that America and England weren't still doing the deed (because we all know how America likes to '_**work**_' our England, if you know what I mean~ wink-wink). So maybe the Austrian swellow and his wife may be able to help assist.

Canada traveled far up the grassy green hills to a large white house since Austria refused to live in a small place like all the others and knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer it. The Austrian opened the door, invited Canada in and escorted him to a room where a large piano waited in the middle of the floor with a view of the whole entire countryside where Hungary was sitting and looking out at the view with her binoculars.

"Austria, if it is possible, could you or Hungary help me with threshing the wheat I've grown?" Canada asked hopefully and Austria shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm real busy right at the moment. I'm composing a symphony and I don't have time to waste. Perhaps you should ask someone else"

"What about Hungary?"

"Well…"

Hungary finally piped up, a little bit of drool coming from her mouth:

"Ooooh! England and America are doing **it** again! And this time they included whipped cream! Wanna join me, Austria???"

Let us commence with the awkward silence.

"…I'm quite fine" Austria said with a very blank expression. Oh how he hated whenever the concept of yaoi/BL was brought up. And with nations like these, it was quite often.

"Okay, how about you Canada?" she asked. As soon as he heard that, he quickly fled the home and decided he will thresh the wheat himself to get rid of the image that was America-on-England-action.

The next day, after threshing the wheat and wanting to get this story over with, Canada decided that he shall mill the wheat into flour and set out for help once again.

"Why can't I just skip looking for help & make the bread already? No one's helping anyways" Canada asked himself. It's because nothing makes sense in fairy tales; you should know this by now, Canada.

Canada decided that it would be best to try and ask Mr. and Mrs. Turtle and their son Turtle Jr. to see if they can be able to help. So, he made his way down the dirt road to the home where they lived and rang the doorbell.

30 minutes later…

Canada cocked his head to the side. He swore that he heard voices inside the house, maybe they couldn't hear the doorbell. So, he rung it again.

1 hour later…

Nope, still no one coming to the door. Maybe they're all upstairs and didn't hear the doorbell…so he rung it again. Canada shifted from one foot to the other as he waited quietly; patient one, isn't he.

So much later that the narrator got tired of waiting and poofed Canada inside herself…

Canada blinked as he found himself inside the home and watching Sweden and Sealand help Finland up onto his feet. Finland adjusted the pretty pink bow attached to his female turtle costume. Aw~ what a cute turtle-wifey you make, Finland~

"I am NOT his turtle-wifey!" Finland shouted and almost fell back onto his ridiculously-huge-for-him padded shell. Sweden faced the Canadian.

"Need somethin'?" Sweden asked and for once, a nation didn't feel scared of Sweden unintentional scary face. But then again, how can you be afraid of something that's dressed as a cute-wittle turtle? Sealand waddled over to the side.

"Su-papa, you lied! You said I'll look like Raphael if I take this role (1), I LOOK LIKE TOUCHE TURTLE (2)!" the child cried out and tried to stomp, but he couldn't risk himself falling over and it taking another 30 minutes to get himself back on his feet.

"Oh, I was wondering if you guys could possibly help me mill this wheat I just threshed into flour" Canada replied and Finland waddled over to him.

"So sorry for not answering the door. I fell down and then I knocked Sweden and Sealand over when they were trying to help me up, and once I did, I knocked myself over again. It went on like that for a while" Finland replied with a nervous smile, "and after all that, we're too tired to do any milling"

"Really" Canada said in disappointment.

"Sorry" Finland apologized and turned to face his not-husband and son but in doing so, fell back onto his shell. He waved around his turtle legs and turtle arms as he tried to get back onto his feet in the cutest manner.

"Uwa~! Su-san! Help!" Finland shouted as his not-husband, son and Canada stared at him.

There was only one thing that was running through their minds right now: …So Cute~

Canada left, seeing as though it might take the turtle family the rest of the day to help each other up and knock each other over in doing so, decided to mill the wheat into flour himself.

A few days later, when there was a nice breeze in the countryside, Canada decided that he should make some bread with the wheat he milled. Germany and Italy are still training, Canada skipped the thought of America & England, Austria must be still doing his symphony and if America & England are busy, then Hungary's definitely busy. And unless Sealand, Finland, or Sweden had a costume change, they could still be trying to help themselves up.

So he went over to see if the three little Baltic pigs (3) could help assist in making the bread. He went down over to the grassy green flats to the house where the brothers lived to find a note attached to the door that read this:

'_Hello! You reached the home of the Baltic nations!_

_If this is some other nation, we're over at Poland's home, so come over there._

_If this is Russia, ignore the first and third comment, we're at your house! Heh-heh. So you can just go back there…please._

_If this is Belarus, ignore the second comment, we're really at Poland's house. But come through the back door, okay? Love, Lithuania_'

Glad to see that one little chapter didn't change how Lithuania sees Belarus. Canada sighed and went on his way to the Polish goose's home, which was located near the lake. Poland's door also had a note attached to his door that read this:

'_Like, hi! You totally reached the house of Poland!_

_If this is some other nation lookin' for the Baltics, like awesome! Come on in!_

_If this is like, ya know, Russia looking for the Baltics, like, get off of my property or your capital will totally become Warsaw!_

_If this is Belarus (gag me with a SPOON) looking for Liet (which I totally doubt), I, like, know karate and I got a shotgun from Switzerland. Watch yourself_'

Canada twisted the knob and entered the small abode. There was Poland on top of a table while the three Baltic nations turned it round and round as he screwed in the light bulb. Once they were finished, they took notice of Canada (well, Poland did. The other three were too tired to care)

"Hi! Like, what do you want?" Poland asked and Canada cocked his head.

"What are you doing anyways?"

"Liet's, like, repaying me back for the last story. First part of the deal is that he, like, help change my lights"

"And the other part?"

"I totally get his 'Henny Penny' role!" Poland shouted loudly and held out his script. Canada hung his head.

"So you're busy, huh?"

"Duh" Poland replied and looked down at the three nations still trying to catch their breath. "We have 5 more down here and then 10 upstairs, Liet! Chop, chop!"

"Could you at least get off the table this time?!" Lithuania shouted while his brothers groaned in misery as Poland pointed up the stairs in a dramatic manner while Canada made his way out of the house, seeing that he will have to bake the bread himself.

The baking went by quickly and as Canada took out the heavenly smelling bread and set it on his maple wood table, he wiped his forehead and announced, "I wonder who will help me eat this bread"

Suddenly, there was a loud fury of knocks and doorbell rings and Canada rushed to the door to find every single nation that was mention in the story standing outside of his house.

"Hello!" America (who was finally wearing his fox costume) said cheerfully, "we were all just passing by (translation: We were all sitting outside your house waiting for you to ask that question) and England and I would be happily to help you out, brother!"

"Yeah, Italy and I are getting hungry after training so we'll assist in eating it too" Germany replied. His face was clear of the bunny makeup but found that his pink rabbit tail was super glued to his pants and his bunny ears headband was too tight and couldn't be removed.

"Oh really?" Canada said skeptically.

"And you can't have sex on an empty stomach, so England and I gotta have some!" America said without thinking twice and the nations stood there awkwardly (Sealand and Canada being the most awkward of all)

Austria cleared his voice to snap everyone out of the awkward cloud and said, "My symphony is due in 6 months, and so I have a little bit of time to spare. I will be glad to help eat the bread"

"And if America and England are fed so they can get back to their _**business**_, I'll be fine!" Hungary piped back up and the nations went back to standing there awkwardly.

"We're much more awake now so we'll eat some!" Sealand shouted cheerfully (don't know how they gotten all the way down from their house to Canada's…maybe they rolled themselves there).

"And we need to, like, take a breather from all that light-changing and stuff" Poland said and Canada crossed his arms.

"That's okay you guys, I don't need your help" Canada said.

"So why did you even ask the question in the first place?" England asked.

"Because it's in the script. Now I'm supposed to slam the door in all your faces now, have fun doing whatever you guys have been doing this whole story, m'kay?"

And with that, Canada slammed his door shut.

So, the little red Canadian hen decided to share his bread with his polar bear companion (though he didn't do anything either…oh well!), the other nations learned that those who show no will to contribute to an end product do not deserve the end product (doesn't mean they'll still remember it the next time around).

And after enjoying the well-made loaf of bread, Canada lived happily ever after.

* * *

(1) You know the one *coughTMNTcough*

(2) Originally I was going to say Franklin, but I wanted a turtle that was a lot more rounder than that

(3) Yes, they will be reprising these roles in the Three Little Pigs. And if that's who they're going to be, guess who's the Big Bad Wolf?

So there's your Little Red Hen for you. Thanks for all the reviews/votes! Otherwise this story wouldn't be in existence. Since Fairy Tales of Hetalia has been on the lj, I've gotten a request to do the Tinderbox (don't really have a casting list so it might be a while till I get that up, any suggestions?) but our next little story maybe will be The Frog Princess, our first tale with a HungaryxAustria pairing! I'm thinking about using Prussia and Germany for the other princes; just don't know who will be the other two wives or the king. Suggestions? Anyways, if you're ready for some AustriaxHungary fluff, review, review, REVIEW!


	9. The Frog Princess

Okay, sorry for the hiatus this story has been put on. Had to get a new computer after my old one kicked the bucket. And I probably got on some of the Austria/Hungary fans that were waiting for this fic. That's why I have decided to do 'Gift of the Magi' and 'The Princess and the Pea' with them as the main characters. (When this will occur, I am not so sure. Probably after Rapunzel).

Anyways, enjoy the Frog Princess!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Really lousy ending (at least in my opinion) and KING PRUSSIA!**

* * *

Once upon a time, in a vast kingdom surrounded by the wilderness, there was a Prussian king and his three sons: a German, a Frenchman, and an Austrian. And after a few months of mental therapy and convincing from his German son, the king realized that he was not the kick-ass, super-awesomeness knight that he use to be so it came time that one of the three princes needed to take up the throne. So, instead of doing the sensible way to have them just go out & find some random girl in the kingdom or throw a ball like they did 4 chapters ago, he had them shoot arrows and the closest living thing next to where the arrow landed will be their bride.

"We're only one paragraph into this story and it's already stupid!" Germany shouted before Prussia hit him in the back of the head. What King Prussia says (as long as the narrator agrees) goes and it's always better!

"You're stupid! Now shoot the arrow!" Prussia commanded and Germany grumbled before finally raising and drawing his arrow, it flying high over the trees. The king and the princes followed the direction of the arrow and finally found it in the clearing, right next to a picnic blanket with a plate of pasta just sitting there all lonesome and a gigantic rock. "Alright West, do you want the blanket, the pasta, or the rock?" Prussia asked as if Germany had won some really awesome prize and was on a game show.

"You said 'living thing'! None of these things are alive!"

"Don't be dumb. That rock over there is shaking, can't you see?" Prussia said and pointed at the boulder. Sure enough, it was quivering quite a bit. So, Germany decided to take a peak as to what was causing the boulder to shake, finding an Italian on all fours and teary-eyed.

After convincing the Italian that they were not trying to attack him and telling him of the wonderful opportunities of becoming Germany's wife (and forcing the German to propose properly to him without cursing and growling at the whole point of this story and making the already freaked out Italian cry even more), France drew his arrow.

The arrow went flying south and more off into the countryside with them following right behind it. France's arrow made its landing right next to a little cottage where the smells of home cooking came through the open window. France (with breath-spray and roses ready) climbed his way through the window to surprise his soon-to-be-missus.

Only when he found out that the small cottage belonged to an Englishman did France began to curse the whole point of this story.

After several unpaid interns tried to keep England & France from mauling each other, England trying to sue France for breaking and entering and everyone else for trespassing and France trying to walkout on the story (but since an understudy was not available, this was not possible), the two nations came to a sort of agreement: They don't have to kiss ever, England can call France 'dumbass' as much as he pleased and France can have as many mistresses as he want.

Finally, it was the youngest prince's turn to choose his wife.

"And make sure you aim it towards the castle! All this running around is tiring!" Prussia shouted out and Austria's eyebrow twitched before his arrow went flying off into a deep part of the woods surrounding the castle.

Everyone followed the arrow to where it landed in a small swamp and Austria looked disgusted. A gentleman would never marry something that lives in a swamp. And yet…

Out of nowhere, a freakishly large frog hopped out in front of them, scaring the nations almost literally out of their pants (well, not Germany. He was more annoyed that Italy jumped into his arms and was screaming in his ear than frightened).

"IT'S A MUTANT FROG! RUN!!" Prussia shouted and the frog placed her frog hands on her frog hips.

"I'm not a mutant frog! I mean…ribbit" the frog said and crouched down next to the arrow. Prussia slapped Austria's back.

"Oh well, son. You're going to have to marry a mutant-talking frog" Prussia replied.

"This has to be some sort of mistake" Austria stated, taken aback.

"If your frog wife's a mistake, then my un-smexy British wife is too!" France shouted.

"Who are you calling un-smexy?! Take a good look at yourself!" England shouted back and the two continued to fight yet again. Austria (who didn't voice his dislike openly like his brothers did) took his turning red and swooning all over the place frog wife by the hand and proposed.

Yeah, let's hope King Prussia doesn't have any more bright ideas about choosing things.

So, three weeks later after finding their brides, there came a public wedding for the princes with all the bells & trimmings.

"So, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the pastor asked Italy, who just nodded with a dazed smile on his face.

"And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded wife?" the pastor asked Germany and Germany turned to face the large crowd of people that decided to watch this spectacle.

"Just so you know I did not choose to marry this man! He and I were betrothed in a really stupid way! This was not of my will!"

Like everyone else really cares. The people 'huzzah'ed, Germany went back to sulking and they were married (with Germany opting to just kiss Italy on the cheek).

Then it came to France's and England's wedding (with some interns hiding backstage to intervene just incase). And after a few moments of forcing the nations to say their vows to each other (which was mainly comprised of 'I'm going to get you back in the next story' or 'You better sleep with one eye open' and 'bastard'. Lots and lots of 'bastard's) the useless people with only one thing to say (and that was 'huzzah')… 'huzzah'ed and the couple were wed.

And finally, Austria and his large frog wife, who was holding onto Austria's arm oh-so-lovingly, were about to be wed. And as the frog puckered her pink lips for the kiss that she had waited so long for, Austria quickly held out his hand.

"Um, how about a nice, firm handshake instead?" Austria asked and the frog, though not so happily, shook her now-husband's hand.

NOW we get to the more interesting parts!

Okay, so once the not-so-lovey-dovey couples moved into the main castle and all that jazz, King Prussia decided to make his three daughter-in-laws do various, random, out-of-the-blue tasks. Why? Because he's _**KING **_Prussia! So, the first task was to make him an amazing shirt/coat/something-that-is-made-out-of-fabric and whoever wins gets more likeable and gets one step closer to getting the throne…hooray.

However, the youngest prince wasn't so happy, seeing as though his frog wife couldn't even be able to hold a needle let alone make a shirt and sulked in his room until his wife entered to see what was wrong.

The frog sat in front of the young prince and asked with a confused expression, "What is the matter, Austria?"

"The king has requested the wives to make a coat for him; you're a frog, how can you sew? I'm going to be the biggest laughing stock in the whole entire kingdom" he said solemnly and Hungary, whoops, I mean the frog, gotten up quickly and stated:

"Don't worry about it. Tomorrow, the king will have the most marvelous coat you could think of"

The young prince sighed and looked at his still beaming wife. "If you say so"

As Austria slept, the frog went outside and then shouted out, "Maids and matrons, sew me a coat!"

The maids and matrons (whoever they were and wherever they came from) sewn a fine-embroidered shirt and disappeared as quickly as they popped into the story and the frog placed the shirt on Austria's nightstand.

The next day when Austria awakened, he found the nicely made shirt next to him and had a field day of glee, taking it and his wife downstairs for his father to examine. Italy presented Prussia a box wrapped up really badly and once Prussia took it out, it was revealed that the sweater had three way-too-long arms and no hole for a head.

"Italy! What is that?!" Germany shouted at his wife and Italy cocked his head cutely to the side.

"It's a sweater that I made with my own two hands" Italy said so proudly.

"Looks like you made it with your own two feet. And it's pink. PINK. Who do I look like to you?! Poland?!" Prussia stated and threw the sweater over his shoulder in the conveniently placed fireplace. "NEXT!"

England and France came out next with something that was very, very furry and handed it to the Prussian king. "Hm, this doesn't look too bad" he contemplated and put the piece of fabric on. But no later than a few minutes, the Prussian began to itch and scratch at his skin in irritation. "What you made this thing out of? A combination of chest hair and eyebrows?! NEXT!" Prussia shouted once again and threw the fabric into the fireplace.

Finally, it came to Austria and his wife's turn, who handed the red-silken colored fabric to the king with care. Prussia threw his arms in the coat and at once snuggled deep inside it.

"Ah, it's warm, it's comfy, and it accentuates my manly figure" Prussia said and began to flex, but paused and looked up. "Who are you rolling your eyes at, West?" he snapped at Germany and Germany turned the other way, pretending not to be annoyed as heck. "I declare Austria and his wife the winners!"

Austria and Hungary cheered in happiness, giving each other an embrace before regaining their composure. Prussia stood up, shooing the wives away and then announced to his sons, "I want some bread. Have each of your wives bake me some by tomorrow morning"

Once again, Austria was depressed and sulked back to his room where his wife waited and sat down next to her, sighing heavily.

"Dear husband of mine, why are you so sad?" his wife asked him and he glanced at her concerned expression.

"The king has requested to make a loaf of bread for him-"

"Who does he think we are? His slaves?!" the frog interrupted her husband's lament and then replied; "Don't worry about it, my dear. The king shall have the most delicious loaf of bread ever tomorrow morning"

Austria looked up at his wife and nodded.

"If you say so" he replied, watching his wife. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Hungary" the frog replied (albeit, a little annoyed that he didn't bother to ask, like, three weeks ago) and Austria nodded once more, climbing into his bed and drifted off into sleep. Hungary stepped outside once more and shouted out, "Maids and matrons, bake me a delicious loaf of bread"

The maids and matrons once again completed the task at hand (though one must wonder who the heck they are, how are they doing it when there is nothing outside, or how Austria is managing to sleep through all of it).

The next morning, when Austria awoke, he was confronted with the delightful smell of a loaf of bread, as if it came fresh out of the oven. He was delighted once more, taking his wife by the hand (…or flipper-thingy…you get the idea) and went downstairs to present it to his father.

The first couple up was once again Germany and Italy, Italy in particular being covered in flour and unknown substances. Germany's wife set down the platter in front of the Prussian king and took off the silver cover revealing not a loaf of bread but a plate of pasta…omg, what a big surprise.

"Italy! You were supposed to be making bread!"

"But pasta is tastier!"

"AGH!" Germany shouted in annoyance and Prussia pushed the plate aside.

"A nice effort, but I'm in the mood for **bread**, NEXT!"

England and France placed down their loaf of 'supposed-to-be' bread, but with England's cooking, it's impossible to tell if it can even be digested. Prussia examined the item in question, stabbed it with his fork and placed the piece of who-knows-what in his mouth, chewing it like it was a rock.

At first, all seemed peaceful…until Prussia fell to the ground with violent spasms and gagging noises coming from his mouth. France shouted out, "Dammit! Why didn't I see this coming?!" as various people tried to revive the fallen nation. So it was pretty obvious that France and England lost once again.

Once Prussia regained his consciousness, Austria placed in front of him the most delectable, golden-colored and possibly stolen from 'The Little Red Hen' set, piece of bread he has ever seen. He took it with two hands and chomped off a big chunk and his eyes lit up like they had once done when he had victory in war.

"Amazing! I declare Austria and his mutant wife the winners again!" he shouted out dramatically and continued to eat while the prince and his wife rejoiced. The wives of the other countries then retreated to their rooms to wait while the husbands were delivered their final test: to take their wives to the most badass shindig the king was throwing. And like the other two tests before, Austria was in a downer mood as he appeared to his frog wife.

"Why are you upset (again), my husband?" Hungary asked and Austria replied,

"The king is throwing a party tonight and asked all of us to invite our wives, how can we be able to pull this one off?"

"It's not so bad, it could be much worse"

"..."

"...Okay, maybe not so much worse than already. But everything will be alright anyways! When you are there and you hear a loud noise, just say 'there is my miserable frog coming in her box'...well that was very self-depreciating"

So when it was time for the party, with the two wives of the brothers dressed out in the most dazzling clothes as if they really had a chance of winning the contest, France strode over to Austria with a full intent to heckle the younger prince.

"Why alone Austria? Your little wife ran off with some toad or something? Or you couldn't find some rag to cover her up with?"

"Her business has nothing to do with you. However, I would get your wife away from that American over there. The way they're acting could hurt your chances of getting the crown" Austria pointed out and France frowned before downing a glass of wine and making his leave.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise that frightened the party-goers and Austria proclaimed,

"Do not fear. It is just my frog coming in her box"

Some random person shouted 'What kind of box makes _that_ noise?!', but was then promptly escorted out of the story. Do not question Austria!

A gold and velvet covered chariot arrived with Hungary, more beautiful and definitely not-froggy than before. She took the very awestruck Austria by the hand and was led to the dinner table to eat while the guests chatted and looked just as confused as Austria.

While they had their dinner, Hungary drank some wine and the little bit that was in the glass, she poured it into her left sleeve. And the remains of the fried swan she ate, she placed in her right sleeve. Italy (who was too naive and trying to please Germany as best as he can to care) and England (who had a bit too much to drink from that American fellow and was too drunk to care) mirrored her actions exactly.

Hungary asked Austria to dance with her and she threw out her left arm, gold and jewels flying out and landing into a pile at the king's feet. She did a twirl and threw out her right arm, swans flying out and dazzling (or giving some of our older guests a good heart attack) the party-goers.

Germany and France tried to do the same with their forced-to-be wives and as Italy twirled like a cross-dressing ballerina boy, he flew his left arm out and wine went splat into people's faces. This lead to a couple of drunken fists aimed at Germany (after all, who dares to hit Italy in a dress?).

France was busy dragging England around on the floor in an attempt to get the nation back on his feet. England waved his right arm and bones went splat in Prussia's face. This lead to some fists aimed at then both...not so much sympathy for England in a dress.

While Prussia was yelling at his two sons, Austria snuck off to his room to find the frog's skin. He seized it and threw it in the fireplace, burning it. And when he turned to leave, there was Hungary who stood by the door.

"Austria how could you?! Were you that ashamed of me? And I was almost able to become human again!"

"You were?! Why didn't you tell me this?!"

"Because I thought you wouldn't care!"

"Well it would have been nice to know!"

Silly Austria, fairy tales don't make sense.

"I must leave you now, my husband., look for me in the far away country that no one knows the roads to-"

"Well how could I find you if no one knows how to get there?"

"They'll know"

"..."

ANYWAYS, she finished her tearful and totally-could-have-been-avoided-if-there-was-communication goodbye. And after turning into a bird (she's a lot more magical in this story than in the Cinderella story, huh folks?), she departed into the night.

Austria then sulked for three days because that's pretty much what he does in this story and finally decides to get off his ass and look for his wife, now realizing that he loves her the way she is, not what she looks like. He then meets an old, old man (who is apparently isn't so old that they would just let him wander around the woods) who Austria shares his drama story to.

The old man tells him that Hungary was cursed by her father for being wiser than he was (ch' sexist pig) and placed a curse on her to be a frog for three years. He gave him a ball and wherever it rolled to, Austria must follow.

So Austria took the ball and rolled it into the direction of a clearing where he found a misplaced panda. Austria took aim at it, intending to kill it, but then the panda with a long scarf said:

"Don't kill me Prince Austria. Someday, I shall be of service to you" the panda said and Austria took pity on the bear and left.

Then, Austria followed the ball to a river where there was a gigantic fish laying beside a river.

"Help me, Prince Austria. Someday I shall be of service to you once everyone becomes one with Russia" the fish replied.

"Russia, you're the fish too?"

"Well yeah. I wrote the story, so I should have more than one role. [1] Now are you going to help me or not?"

Austria rolled the gigan- I mean- BIG-BONED fish into the river and then continued on his journey.

Then finally Austria came across a hare (who was also played by Russia) and released him like he did the other two times, with the promise that the hare will be of service to him in the near future.

. . . Ok, this part is kind of boring and this story is late as is, so I'm just going to summarize it up.

Austria finds an old lady's hut and inside finds a witch lying on the stove (was she trying to cook herself? Even I don't know folks). After ordering her to make him food and give him a bath, Austria then tells about his journey to find Hungary.

She tells him that she is with Koschei (let's just make him some random intern) and in order to rescue her, he would need to break a needle that's in an egg that's in a duck that's in a hare that's on a stone chest that's in a tree. . . right.

So Austria went to find the oak tree and once he did, Bear!Russia tackled the tree and a plushie hare was thrown out but then Hare!Russia grabbed it and tore it up, causing a duck to fly out and drop an egg that fell into the river. And as Austria wept, Fish!Russia swam out from the river and handed him the egg.

"How the heck does Russia manage to change out of his costumes so fast?" Sealand questioned backstage.

That Sealand, is the power of MOVIE MAGIC!!!

Austria snapped the needle in two and Koschei died (well that was very anti-climatic), Austria reunited with his beloved frog-now-human wife and became king and queen of the kingdom, the brothers and their wives got a divorce and decided to never speak of this again, and they all lived happily ever after!

. . . Move along now folks, nothing else to see here.

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[1] The Frog Princess is a Russian fairy tale, in FACT, the original prince's name was Ivan. So yeah . . .

Okay, now I know some of you have visited my profile and saw the pole. Yes, the next story will be Goldilocks and the Three Bears. So, it's time for the favorite time of the story, Choose Your Own Chapter!

Audience: (is non-existent because the story has not been updated)

Me: . . .ANYWAYS, here is the question!

Who would you want to see the roles for Goldilocks and the Three Bears go to?

A) Russia, Ukraine and Belarus (Papa, Mama & Baby Bear) and Lithuania (Goldilocks)

B) Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia (Mama, Papa & Baby Bear) and Russia (Goldilocks)

C) Sweden, Finland and Sealand (Papa, Mama & Baby Bear) and Denmark (Goldilocks)

I could also probably say this. Whoever has the second highest vote might go in the running for having the role for the Three Billy Goats Gruff. Until then voters! So if you want to see some nations going huff-puff and blow your house down-oh wait, wrong story. Let me try that again. If you want to see some nations busting into animal's homes and wrecking the place up, vote, vote, VOTE! . . . and review too.


	10. Goldilocks and the Three Bears

And here is the next installment of the Fairy Tales of Hetalia! Sorry for the forever long update though. Anyways with a total of 15 votes, you will be having Sweden, Finland and Sealand as your Papa, Mama, and Baby Bear with Denmark as Goldilocks! Hope you guys enjoy it

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

**Warning! Possibly out of character Denmark and somewhat short story!**

* * *

Once upon a time, in a small little cottage in the woods, there were three bears. A terrorizing-the-cuddly-creatures-but-didn't-mean-it Swedish papa bear, a Finnish mama bear that kept on insisting that she was not the papa bear's wifey (or a girl for that matter) and their itty-bitty baby bear from Sealand who was addicted to Power Rangers. And you thought_ your_ family was weird!

One morning, Finland prepared a delicious meal for his darling family. And instead of eating boring old porridge like the story proclaimed, they instead had the delicious Nordic delight Hernekeitto!

". . .What?" replied 3/4 of the cast of Hetalia. Yes hernekeitto, or as we English folk call it, pea soup! So now that we are all educated on the food of the Nordics, let us continue with the story.

"Let's eat then!" Finland replied, clasping her-I mean- HIS bear paws together and took his place at the table.

"How are supposed to even eat this when we can't even hold the spoon! . . . And why am I in a high chair!" Sealand shouted from his baby blue seat, almost knocking over the bubbling hot hernekeitto in the process.

Sweden didn't say anything in response, trying to use both of his plush bear paws to hold his spoon and try some of his adorable wife's 130 degrees-hot hernekeitto.

"It's not so bad. At least we aren't falling around and wasting half of the story like we did that other chapter" Finland complied, the spoonful of volcanic hot hern- you know what, let's just refer to it as pea soup- close to his lips.

All three of them took a taste of the soup. Then all three of them promptly ran to the nearest body of water to dunk their heads in to cool off. Oh well, I tried to tell them. After they felt that the fire of the soup was put out, Finland replied, "Why don't we take a walk while our soup cools?"

"A walk? I don't want to go for a walk! The Power Rangers Super Special is coming on any moment!" Sealand cried.

"Yeh' need yer exercise" Sweden replied and Sealand gaped at his father.

"Are, are you calling me FAT, Su-Papa!" Sealand shouted and once again, Sweden found it best not to respond to his child.

So after Finland went back home to go get his purse (which he prefers to call a European shoulder bag, cause calling it a man-bag made him sound like he was in denial) and the family of bears went to go and do . . . whatever bears do. I don't know, maybe they'll go look for some honey and hang out with a piglet or something. Anyways . . .

Not too long later, there came a fellow from Denmark that stumbled upon the house of the three bears. And seeing as though he had now realized that he was terribly hungry and tired, he decided to invite himself in. Only, Finland locked the door. The End.

. . . Still here. Okay, okay. So instead of leaving the house alone and finding some other place to go to, Denmark decided to invite himself in by hacking away at the door with his axe until he was able to get inside.

"Works every time" Denmark replied and went straight into the kitchen. He found the bowls of pea soup sitting perfectly in a row. He tried the mama bear's bowl of soup first but it was too hot.

"How can it still be too hot when they have been gone for like twenty minutes?" Denmark questioned and then moved on to the Papa Bear's soup, but it was too cold. And so Denmark went to the Baby Bear's soup and it was just right. He ate all the soup and moved onto the living room where there were three chairs.

Denmark went to sit in the Mama Bear's floral pattern pink (on loan from Poland just so you people know) chair but it was too soft and Denmark sunk down. He then moved to the Papa Bear's chair but it was too stiff. So the now uncomfortable Denmark then went the Baby Bear's rocking chair and found that it was just right, until he broke it after rocking it one too many times.

"Well that's fifteen minutes of my life I want back" Denmark complained. Those fifteen minutes were later made up when Denmark found Sweden's hidden booze stash and after half of the liquor was depleted, Denmark decided that it was time to take a nap. So, he made his way up the stairs and to the three bears's bedroom.

Denmark ignored the first two beds (having learned that if the Mama and Papa Bear's soups and chairs were messed up, the beds are bound to be too) and went straight to the Baby Bear's bed where he found it was just right again and fell asleep.

Once the family of bears returned home from doing whatever they did the entire day, they were shocked to find that their door was torn off of the hinges. They entered the kitchen and made their analysis.

"Someone's had some of my soup!" Finland shouted.

"Been eatin' my soup too" Sweden grumbled.

"Someone's eaten my soup and thank goodness it's all gone!" Sealand shouted happily. Hey, as long as it wasn't the Pop Tarts, he was cool with it. The bears then moved to the living room to examine the chairs.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair. . . that I'm borrowing from Poland" Finland said, pointing at the sunken hole in the cushion. Sweden didn't made any commentary about his chair, he was busy hiding the bottles that Denmark drunk underneath it.

"Someone been sitting in my chair and broke it all into itty bitty pieces! It was probably that jerk England! Breaking my stuff just to spite me!"

"But England doesn't even show up in this story"

"Or has he?" Sealand said and paused to ponder. Oh well, moving on.

The nations-that-were-dressed-up-like-bears then made their way up the stairs and into the bedroom, finding their little intruder sleeping peacefully in Sealand's bed.

"Denmark! What are you doing here?" Finland shouted.

"Hmm? Oh hey you guys! Didn't hear you come in" Denmark replied, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Then he came face to face with Sweden's death glare and fell silent. "Listen you guys, don't cast me out like Norway did! I can't find any place to stay at!"

"There's always a cottage n' fairy tales" Sweden mumbled.

"Yeah, one with made out of candy belonging to some crazy witch, one with a old grandma and one that's over crowded with little men! I want to stay with my buddies!"

"But Goldilocks doesn't stay with the bears. That doesn't prove the moral of the story!" Finland stated. Pft, like we actually went over the morals of these stories.

So after much pleading to at least give him some food before he gets kicked out (which Finland continued to protest 'YOU ATE ALL OF THE SOUP WE HAD!') Denmark was promptly chased out of the house by the family of bears. And after fixing up the door, Sealand's chair and installing a proper home security system, the family of bears lived happily ever after. And what became of Denmark you might ask?

Iceland was about to enjoy his darling dish of hákarl when all of a sudden, there was a flurry of knocks at his door. Sensing as though they probably won't be leaving anytime soon, he opened the door and Denmark managed to push his way in.

"Iceland, old buddy, old pal! You don't mind if I stay here for a while, do you?"

". . ."

"Great! So. . .got anything to eat?"

. . . Oh well, at least four out of five people lived happily ever after!

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Well, I didn't think this one was so hot. I'll make it up somehow though. For some strange reason though, I want to write either a Rapunzel story with France as Rapunzel (REALLY don't know who will play the prince though, but England will make a great witch) or maybe The Turnip (simply because the story is LOL whut) or maybe The Twelve Dancing Princesses (now THAT would be a challenge, any ideas on roles). Well, I might just do Rapunzel, so if you want to see France finally not be an evil figure (though this role is still somewhat degrading), review, review, REVIEW!


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